When the pressures really mount, the neurotic must choose: Shall he have a good cry, or set fire to his neighbor's house?
Spiritual sloth, or acedia, was known as The Sin of the Middle Ages. It's the sin of my middle age, too.
It's impossible to be loyal to your family, your friends, your country, and your principles, all at the same time.
Self-confidence grows on trees, in other people's orchards.
Hot dogs always seem better out than at home; so do French-fried potatoes; so do your children.
There are whole years for which I hope I'll never be cross-examined, for I could not give an alibi.
The neurotic usually obeys his own Golden Rule: Hate thy neighbor as thyself.
Most of us can easily do two things at once; what's all but impossible is to do one thing at once.
Men enjoy being thought of as hunters, but are generally too lazy to hunt. Women, on the other hand, love to hunt, but would rather nobody knew it.
We work for praise, and dawdle once we have it.
Luck: when your burst of energy doesn't run afoul of someone else's.
As we are human, we can't do what we can't do; as we're neurotic, we can't do what we can.
The neurotic circles ceaselessly above a fogged-in airport.
At the beginning of a love affair, not even the neurotic is neurotic.
Neurotics always feel as though they were going way up or way down, which is odd in people going sideways.
Women go to beauty parlors for the unmussed look men hate.
There's no way to repay a mother's love, or lack of it.
No matter how many Christmas presents you give your child, there's always that terrible moment when he's opened the very last one. That's when he expects you to say, 'Oh yes, I almost forgot,' and take him out and show him the pony.
A productive marriage requires falling in enjoy numerous occasions, usually with the identical man or woman.
A woman telling her true age is like a buyer confiding his final price to an Armenian rug dealer.
It took man thousands of years to put words down on paper, and his lawyers still wish he wouldn't.
In youth we are plagued by desire; in later years, by the desire to feel desire.
They threaten me with lung cancer, and still I smoke and smoke. If they'd only threaten me with hard work, I might stop.
God is less careful than General Motors, for He floods the world with factory rejects.
People are like birds: on the wing, all beautiful; up close, all beady little eyes.
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