One day you are an apprentice, and everybody's pet; the next, you are coldly expected to deliver. There is never sufficient warning that the second day is coming.
Neurotics are anxiety prone, accident prone, and often just prone.
In retrospect, our triumphs could as easily have happened to someone else; but our defeats are uniquely our own.
My doctor is nice; every time I see him, I'm ashamed of what I think of doctors in general.
I wish I'd said it first, and I don't even know who did: The only problems that money can solve are money problems.
Nobody ever loved anybody like everybody wants to be loved.
How tired God must be of guilt and loneliness, for that is all we ever bring to Him.
Only where children gather is there any real chance of fun.
Albert Einstein when asked what he considered to be the most powerful force in the universe answered: Compound interest!
Don't look for God where He is needed most; if you didn't bring Him there, He isn't there.
Anywhere you go liking everyone, everyone will be likeable.
After he has had his tantrum, the neurotic expects those around him to feel friendly and relaxed; after all, he does.
A woman ought to look up to her husband, if only a half-inch.
Few women care what a man looks like, and a good thing too.
Revenge leads to an empty fullness, like eating dirt.
What a shame that allowances have to stop with the teens: both those that are paid to us and those that are made for us.
You can't truthfully explain your smallest action without fully revealing your character.
We are like people with short-term leases on summer cottages; we can never seem to make our provisions come out even with our stay.
In the theater, as in life, we prefer a villain with a sense of humor to a hero without one.
Philosophy teaches a man that he can't take it with him; taxes teach him he can't leave it behind either.
A woman will do anything to keep a pretty figure, but hardly anything to get one.
All women are basically in competition with each other for a handful of eligible men.
A good executive is one who makes people contentedly settle for less than they meant to get, in return for more than they meant to give.
If your husband expects you to laugh, do so; if he expects you to cry, don't; if you don't know what he expects, what are you doing married?
When the pressures really mount, the neurotic must choose: Shall he have a good cry, or set fire to his neighbor's house?
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