We are irritated by rascals, intolerant of fools, and prepared to love the rest. But where are they?
The way the neurotic sees it: bars on his door mean that he's locked in; bars on your door mean that he's locked out.
Learn a little of anything, and you're ready to proselytize.
No matter how brilliantly an idea is stated, we will not really be moved unless we have already half thought of it ourselves.
I wish I'd said it first, and I don't even know who did: The only problems that money can solve are money problems.
Nobody ever loved anybody like everybody wants to be loved.
Only where children gather is there any real chance of fun.
Anywhere you go liking everyone, everyone will be likeable.
Don't look for God where He is needed most; if you didn't bring Him there, He isn't there.
Albert Einstein when asked what he considered to be the most powerful force in the universe answered: Compound interest!
How tired God must be of guilt and loneliness, for that is all we ever bring to Him.
After he has had his tantrum, the neurotic expects those around him to feel friendly and relaxed; after all, he does.
What a shame that allowances have to stop with the teens: both those that are paid to us and those that are made for us.
Few women care what a man looks like, and a good thing too.
Revenge leads to an empty fullness, like eating dirt.
A woman ought to look up to her husband, if only a half-inch.
You can't truthfully explain your smallest action without fully revealing your character.
We are like people with short-term leases on summer cottages; we can never seem to make our provisions come out even with our stay.
In the theater, as in life, we prefer a villain with a sense of humor to a hero without one.
Philosophy teaches a man that he can't take it with him; taxes teach him he can't leave it behind either.
A woman will do anything to keep a pretty figure, but hardly anything to get one.
All women are basically in competition with each other for a handful of eligible men.
If your husband expects you to laugh, do so; if he expects you to cry, don't; if you don't know what he expects, what are you doing married?
A good executive is one who makes people contentedly settle for less than they meant to get, in return for more than they meant to give.
Humiliation is a vast country of imprecise boundaries. If you think you're there, you are. The neurotic rule: when in doubt, go ahead and feel humiliated.
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