In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.
Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.
The kind of man who demands that government enforce his ideas is always the kind whose ideas are idiotic.
Socialist: A man suffering from an overwhelming conviction to believe what is not true.
Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule—and both commonly succeed, and are right.
The State doesn't just want you to obey, it wants to make you WANT to obey.
Moral certainty is always a sign of cultural inferiority. The more uncivilized the man, the surer he is that he knows precisely what is right and what is wrong. All human progress, even in morals, has been the work of men who have doubted the current moral values, not of men who have whooped them up and tried to enforce them. The truly civilized man is always skeptical and tolerant.
A professional politician is a professionally dishonorable man. In order to get anywhere near high office he has to make so many compromises and submit to so many humiliations that he becomes indistinguishable from a streetwalker.
There is no idea so stupid that you can't find a professor who will believe it.
The notion that a radical is one who hates his country is naïve and usually idiotic. He is, more likely, one who likes his country more than the rest of us, and is thus more disturbed than the rest of us when he sees it debauched. He is not a bad citizen turning to crime; he is a good citizen driven to despair.
After all is said and done, a hell lot of a lot more is said than done.
When a candidate for public office faces the voters he does not face men of sense; he faces a mob of men whose chief distinguishing mark is the fact that they are quite incapable of weighing ideas, or even of comprehending any save the most elemental - men whose whole thinking is done in terms of emotion, and whose dominant emotion is dread of what they cannot understand. So confronted, the candidate must either bark with the pack or be lost... All the odds are on the man who is, intrinsically, the most devious and mediocre.
No one in this world, so far as I know - and I have searched the records for years, and employed agents to help me - has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people.
The average man does not get pleasure out of an idea because he thinks it is true; he thinks it is true because he gets pleasure out of it.
It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.
The central belief of every moron is that he is the victim of a mysterious conspiracy against his common rights and true deserts.
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
There are two impossibilities in life: "just one drink" and "an honest politician."
You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth.
The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear - fear of the unknown, the complex, the inexplicable. What he wants above everything else is safety.
The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out for himself.
Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.
Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.
The most popular man under a democracy is not the most democratic man, but the most despotic man. The common folk delight in the exactions of such a man. They like him to boss them. Their natural gait is the goose step.
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