Clever Quotes - Page 31

• "More fun than a barrel of monkeys." Has anyone ever stopped to think how cranky, if not downright vicious, a barrelful of monkeys would be, especially once released from the barrel?

  Tom Shales

  Funny, Smart, Thinking

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• There are some situations from which one can only escape by acting like a devil or a lunatic.

  George Orwell

  Funny, Smart, Devil

  George Orwell, Keith Gessen (2009). “All Art Is Propaganda: Critical Essays”, p.344, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

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• Everyone should have an evil secret plan.

  Denis Leary

  Funny, Smart, Should Have

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• I was never over-weight, just under-tall. The correct height for my weight at the moment is seven feet ten and a half inches.

  Brendan Grace

  Funny, Smart, Feet

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• When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Smart, Kids

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• No guy in the history of America has ordered a Smirnoff Ice at a bar without hating himself a little.

  Jay Black

  Funny, Hate, Smart

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• They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

  Bob Monkhouse

  Funny, Smart, Humor

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• Whenever I hear the word "share" I would reach for a gun if I had one. "Share" is frequently followed by the word "feelings", and I have enough of my own thank you; please do us both a favor and repress yours.

  Stewart Brand

  Funny, Smart, Gun

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• I am all in favour of spontaneity, providing it is carefully planned and ruthlessly controlled.

  John Gielgud

  Funny, Smart, Favour

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• If I had a Boy Scout I could make a fire by rubbing his hind legs together.

  Robert A. Heinlein

  Funny, Smart, Boys

  Robert A. Heinlein (1982). “Friday”

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• I'm a Leo. Leos don't believe in this astrology stuff.

  Tom Neff

  Funny, Smart, Believe

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• Everybody is a potential murderer. I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.

  Clarence Darrow

  Funny, Smart, Reading

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• Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Smart, Pigs

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• I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points?

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Smart, Thinking

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• Worst Month of the Year: February. February has only 28 days in it, which means that if you rent an apartment, you are paying for three full days you don't get. Try to avoid Februarys whenever possible.

  Steven Rubenstein

  Funny, Smart, Mean

  "A very good year, sort of - 1982" by Steve Rubenstein, www.sfgate.com. November 17, 2013.

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• Offering Dragons quarter is no good, they regrow all their parts and come on again. They have to be killed.

  John Berryman

  Funny, Smart, Offering

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• Many clever men like you have trusted to civilization. Many clever Babylonians, many clever Egyptians, many clever men at the end of Rome. Can you tell me, in a world that is flagrant with the failures of civilisation, what there is particularly immortal about yours?

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Men, Rome, Civilization

  "The Napoleon of Notting Hill". Book by Gilbert K. Chesterton, 1904.

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• I hate a stupid man who can't talk to me, and I hate a clever man who talks me down. I don’t like a man who is too lazy to make any effort to shine; but I particularly dislike the man who is always striving for effect. I abominate a humble man, but yet I love to perceive that a man acknowledges the superiority of my sex, and youth and all that kind of thing. . . A man who would tell me that I am pretty, unless he is over seventy, ought to be kicked out of the room. But a man who can't show me that he thinks me so without saying a word about it, is a lout.

  Anthony Trollope

  Sex, Stupid, Hate

  Anthony Trollope (2015). “The Palliser Novels: Complete Parliamentary Chronicles (All Six Novels in One Volume): Can You Forgive Her? + Phineas Finn + The Eustace Diamonds + Phineas Redux + The Prime Minister + The Duke’s Children”, p.755, e-artnow

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• War has become an affair of machines...and soldiers are little more than clever mechanics.

  Alberto Moravia

  War, Soldier, Machines

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• Take male strategies for success in the world. If you've got all the advantages, if you're attractive and clever and all of that, you will generally go for very high quality females.

  Susan Blackmore

  Quality, Males, Female

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• Alafair Burke understands the criminal mind. Long Gone is both an education and an entertainment of the first order. This is a very clever and very smart novel by a very clever and smart writer. The dialogue crackles, the plot is intriguing, and the pacing is perfect.

  Karin Slaughter

  Smart, Order, Long

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• My gran always said I was half clever, half stupid, and half crazy.

  Charlie Higson

  Crazy, Stupid, Half

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• The great background question about the Labour governments of the sixties is whether with a stronger leader they could have gripped the country's big problems and dealt with them. How did it happen that a cabinet of such brilliant, such clever and self-confident people achieved so little? In part, it was the effect of the whirling court politics demonstrated by 'In Place of Strife'.

  Andrew Marr

  Country, Government, Self

  Andrew Marr (2009). “A History of Modern Britain”, p.268, Pan Macmillan

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• Most of the people who write to me are really clever, really engaged. They just want to say that they have read my book and liked it.

  Denise Mina

  Book, Writing, People

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• If you're as clever as you can be when you write it, how will you ever debug it?

  Brian Kernighan

  Writing, Debugging, Programming

  Brian W. Kernighan, P. J. Plauger (1978). “The Elements of Programming Style”, Computing McGraw-Hill

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