Cute Funny Quotes

• If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

  Tom Snyder

  Funny, Cute, Animal

  56 Copy quote

• It has been said that a pretty face is a passport. But it's not, it's a visa, and it runs out fast.

  Julie Burchill

  Beauty, Running, Faces

  Julie Burchill (1992). “Sex & Sensibility”

  70 Copy quote

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• I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it's somebody else's secretary, fine.

  Barry Goldwater

  Business, Stupid, Men

  Attributed to Barry Goldwater in: Conference Board, Across the board. Vol. 15. p. 74, 1978.

  25 Copy quote

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• Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Inspirational, Smell, Liberty

  104 Copy quote

• All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

  Charles M. Schulz

  Love, Funny, Valentines Day

  257 Copy quote

• Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

  Jay Leno

  Smile, Mothers Day, Mom

  10 Copy quote

• My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.

  Benjamin Disraeli

  Funny, Wisdom, Sarcasm

  Benjamin Disraeli (19??). “Lothair”

  19 Copy quote

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• Careful grooming may take twenty years off a woman's age, but you can't fool a flight of stairs.

  Marlene Dietrich

  Years, Age, Twenties

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  123 Copy quote

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• Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Men, Cooking

  19 Copy quote

• Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source.

  Ron Nessen

  Inspirational, Motivational, Trust

  Ron Nessen (2011). “Making the News, Taking the News: From NBC to the Ford White House”, p.178, Wesleyan University Press

  7 Copy quote

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• Allow me to put the record straight. I am forty-six and have been for some years past.

  Erica Jong

  Funny, Witty, Past

  7 Copy quote

• My ideal prom date would have to be cute, funny, sweet, nice.

  Kendall Jenner

  Cute, Sweet, Nice

  25 Copy quote

• Things hurt me now. My knees hurt, my back hurts. But your head still thinks it's twenty-three.

  George Clooney

  Cute, Hurt, Thinking

  8 Copy quote

• If I ever do anything, it actually might be some fantasy elf thing or even some cute, funny thing. Just to do something a little bit out of the ordinary. I've done my superhero gig.

  Todd McFarlane

  Cute, Artist, Funny Things

  8 Copy quote

• I was showing early symptoms of becoming a professional baseball man. I was lying to the press.

  Roger Kahn

  Funny, Cute, Smile

  Roger Kahn (2000). “Good Enough to Dream”, p.84, U of Nebraska Press

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• The only time a bachelor's bed is made is when it's in the factory.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Cute, Bed, Factories

  4 Copy quote

• That doesn't mean that you should just sit back and just let accidents happen to you. No, you have to go out and cause them yourself. That way you're in control of the situation.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Cute, Mean, Way

  P. J. O'Rourke (1995). “Republican Party Reptile: The Confessions, Adventures, Essays and (Other) Outrages of P. J. O'Rourke”, p.143, Atlantic Monthly Press

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• An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

  Fred Allen

  Business, Agency, Confusion

  22 Copy quote

• If we can't alter the tide of events, at least we can be nearby with towels to mop up.

  Peter David

  Events, Towels, Tides

  8 Copy quote

• If you see a snake, just kill it - don't appoint a committee on snakes.

  Ross Perot

  Leadership, Business, Snakes

  44 Copy quote

• My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

  John Barrymore

  Beautiful, Wife, Argument

  13 Copy quote

• Dressing a baby is like putting an octopus into a string bag, making sure none of the arms hang out.

  Chris Evans

  Cute, Baby, Octopus

  28 Copy quote