If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?
It has been said that a pretty face is a passport. But it's not, it's a visa, and it runs out fast.
I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it's somebody else's secretary, fine.
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.
Careful grooming may take twenty years off a woman's age, but you can't fool a flight of stairs.
Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source.
Allow me to put the record straight. I am forty-six and have been for some years past.
My ideal prom date would have to be cute, funny, sweet, nice.
Things hurt me now. My knees hurt, my back hurts. But your head still thinks it's twenty-three.
If I ever do anything, it actually might be some fantasy elf thing or even some cute, funny thing. Just to do something a little bit out of the ordinary. I've done my superhero gig.
I was showing early symptoms of becoming a professional baseball man. I was lying to the press.
The only time a bachelor's bed is made is when it's in the factory.
That doesn't mean that you should just sit back and just let accidents happen to you. No, you have to go out and cause them yourself. That way you're in control of the situation.
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
If we can't alter the tide of events, at least we can be nearby with towels to mop up.
If you see a snake, just kill it - don't appoint a committee on snakes.
My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.
Dressing a baby is like putting an octopus into a string bag, making sure none of the arms hang out.
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