I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Knowledge is realizing that the street is one way; wisdom is looking in both directions anyway.
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
I can resist everything except temptation.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
The second mouse gets the cheese!
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
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