Funny Commencement Quotes

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

Fred Allen

Graduation, Education, Laughter

88 Copy quote
To be nobody-but-yourself - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

e. e. cummings

Inspirational, Motivational, Graduation

"A Miscellany (A Poet's Advice to Students)". Book by E. E. Cummings edited by George James Firmage, 1958.

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A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Robert Orben

Funny, Graduation, Senior

"A Few Tips for the Graduates". The Topeka Capital-Journal, abcnews.go.com. May 20, 2007.

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A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.

Theodore Roosevelt

Graduation, Senior, Education

"Art of Communicating Ideas". Book by William Joseph Grace, p. 389, 1952.

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Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Inspirational, Life, Success

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Go, and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here.

Neil Gaiman

Inspirational, Graduation, Mistake

Neil Gaiman's Commencement Address at The University of the Arts in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, www.uarts.edu. May 17, 2012.

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Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Henry Ford

Inspirational, Life, Motivational

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Harry taught me that death isn't the end, it's the beginning.

Jennifer Love Hewitt

Graduation, Senior, College

"Dexter: Popping Cherry". TV series, 2006.

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Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.

Steve Jobs

Inspirational, Life, Motivational

Commencement Address at Stanford University, delivered 12 June 2005, Palo Alto, CA

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Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.

Judy Garland

Inspirational, Life, Motivational

"Business Etiquette for the Nineties: Your Ticket to Career Success". Book by Lou Kennedy, 1992.

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The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows.

Sydney J. Harris

Graduation, Education, Wall

Sydney J. Harris (1985). “Pieces of Eight Pa”, Mariner Books

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Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.

Robert Louis Stevenson

Inspirational, Life, Motivational

457 Copy quote
Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.

B. F. Skinner

Graduation, Education, Teacher

New Scientist 21 May 1964

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The fireworks begin today. Each diploma is a lighted match. Each one of you is a fuse.

Ed Koch

Success, Graduation, Education

87 Copy quote
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

Oscar Wilde

Graduation, Education, Time

Epigrams: Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young Sebastian Melmoth

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You cannot climb the ladder of success dressed in the costume of failure.

Zig Ziglar

Motivational, Attitude, Failure

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It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

Roger Babson

Inspirational, Motivational, Success

51 Copy quote
A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.

Francis Bacon

Inspirational, Success, Graduation

1625 Essays, no.52,'Of Ceremonies and Respects'.

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Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.

Bernard Baruch

Inspirational, Funny, Life

258 Copy quote
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

Milton Berle

Inspirational, Motivational, Change

"Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Derek Bok

Inspirational, Funny, Graduation

Attributed in Paul Dickson, The Official Rules (1978). An earlier occurrence, without attribution to any individual, was in Wash. Post, 6 Oct. 1975.

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You are educated. Your certification is in your degree. You may think of it as the ticket to the good life. Let me ask you to think of an alternative. Think of it as your ticket to change the world.

Tom Brokaw

Motivational, Graduation, Education

45 Copy quote
Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.

John Wooden

Inspirational, Motivational, Positive

"The Wizard's wisdom: 'Woodenisms'", www.espn.com. June 4, 2010.

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To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.

George W. Bush

Funny, Graduation, Humor

"Bad results?" by Nikki Sheehan, www.theguardian.com. June 11, 2001.

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You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

Dr. Seuss

Life, Graduation, Confidence

Theodor Seuss Geisel, “Oh, The Places You'll Go”

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