Funny Dating Quotes

• Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night?

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Inspirational, Motivational, Jobs

  16 Copy quote
• 

  If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

  Katharine Hepburn

  Marriage, Funny Love, Wedding

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  69 Copy quote

  Show source

• Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

  Scott Adams

  Dating, Religion, Principles

  Scott Adams (1996). “The Dilbert principle: a cubicle's-eye view of bosses, meetings, management fads & other workplace afflictions”

  13 Copy quote

  Show source

• A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Girl, Home

  66 Copy quote

• Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Hilarious, Sexy

  Quoted in N.Y. Times, 1 Dec. 1975

  45 Copy quote

  Show source

• I was dating this guy and we would spend all day text messaging each other. And he thought that he could tell that he liked me more because he actually spelt the word 'YOU' and I just put the letter 'U'.

  Kelly Osbourne

  Dating, Guy, Letters

  8 Copy quote

• My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away.

  Jenny McCarthy

  Women, Philosophy, Dating

  31 Copy quote

• Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.

  Jim Bishop

  Daughter, Dad, Being Single

  93 Copy quote

• I am a strong believer in kissing
  being very intimate, and the minute you kiss, the floodgates
  open for everything else.

  Jennifer Lopez

  Strong, Kissing, Dating

  "Magazine Displays a Touch of J. Lolita" by George Rush, Joanna Molloy, Lola Ogunnaike, and Kasia Anderson, www.nydailynews.com. August 10, 2001.

  8 Copy quote

  Show source

• Dating is different when you get older. You're not as trusting, or as eager to get back out there and expose yourself to someone.

  Toni Braxton

  Dating, Different, Get Back

  "Toni Braxton Talks New Movie Role". Interview with S. Tia Brown, www.ebony.com. July 26, 2012.

  6 Copy quote

  Show source

• I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

  Wendy Liebman

  Funny, Dog, Witty

  68 Copy quote

• I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

  Garry Shandling

  Valentines Day, Single, Funny Love

  11 Copy quote

• I don't know the first real thing about the dating game. I don't know how to talk to a specific person and connect. I just think you have to go to person by person and do the best you can with people in general.

  Jason Schwartzman

  Real, Thinking, Games

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  12 Copy quote

  Show source

• If you kiss on the first date and it's not right, then there will be no second date. Sometimes it's better to hold out and not kiss for a long time. I am a strong believer in kissing being very intimate, and the minute you kiss, the floodgates open for everything else.

  Jennifer Lopez

  Strong, First Love, Kissing

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  92 Copy quote

  Show source
• 

  I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Girlfriend, Mad

  32 Copy quote

• My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

  Rita Rudner

  Boyfriend, Marriage, Breakup

  21 Copy quote

• No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.

  Honore de Balzac

  Funny, Marriage, Witty

  No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. The Physiology of Marriage Meditation V, Aphorism 28

  63 Copy quote

  Show source

• We are constantly protecting the male ego, and it's a disservice to men. If a man has any sensitivity or intelligence, he wants to get the straight scoop from his girlfriend.

  Betty Dodson

  Girlfriend, Men, Dating

  65 Copy quote

• I think more dating stuff is scheduling. It's needing people who understand your work schedule.

  Jennifer Love Hewitt

  Thinking, Dating, People

  8 Copy quote

• Save a boyfriend for a rainy day - and another, in case it doesn't rain.

  Mae West

  Relationship, Boyfriend, Rain

  40 Copy quote

• Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always tax-deductible.

  Andy Warhol

  Business, Dating, Employee

  Andy Warhol, Bob Colacello (1979). “Andy Warhol's exposures”

  8 Copy quote

  Show source

• If a girl breaks up with me, I want her to just die, just be dead. Not 'cause I hate her so much as it's just easier for when my friends go, 'Hey, what happened?' 'Oh, she's dead. I'd still be with her, but she's dead. What can I do? She was loving me, but she's dead.'

  Adam Sandler

  Girl, Hate, Dating

  4 Copy quote

• I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.

  Bill Engvall

  Funny, Girl, Humor

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Jan 23, 2013

  35 Copy quote

  Show source

• There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

  Adam Ferrara

  Funny, Religious, Humor

  6 Copy quote

• You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'

  Adam Ferrara

  Funny, Stupid, Humor

  12 Copy quote