Funny Mother Quotes

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Phyllis Diller

Funny, Family, Mom

72 Copy quote
To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow.

Maya Angelou

Mothers Day, Mom, Mother Daughter

Maya Angelou (2012). “The Collected Autobiographies of Maya Angelou”, p.49, Modern Library

59 Copy quote

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Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

Sam Levenson

Funny, Mothers Day, Hilarious

46 Copy quote
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Rita Rudner

Funny, Mom, Daughter

25 Copy quote
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.

Oscar Wilde

Funny, Mothers Day, Mom

The Importance of Being Earnest act 1 (1895). The same lines appear, as a dialogue between Lord Illingworth and Mrs. Allonby, in A Woman of No Importance, act 2 (1893).

49 Copy quote

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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

Tim Allen

Funny, Mom, Mother

29 Copy quote
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

Calvin Trillin

Funny, Mothers Day, Mom

48 Copy quote
When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

Erma Bombeck

Inspirational, Mothers Day, Mom

59 Copy quote
A mother has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.

Sophia Loren

Mom, Mother, Children

"Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

22 Copy quote

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When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.

Sophia Loren

Motivational, Family, Mothers Day

116 Copy quote
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Buddy Hackett

Funny, Family, Mothers Day

99 Copy quote
My mother had to send me to the movies with my birth certificate, so that I wouldn't have to pay the extra fifty cents that the adults had to pay.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

Basketball, Mother, Pay

18 Copy quote
Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.

Aristotle

Family, Mothers Day, Mom

27 Copy quote
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Milton Berle

Funny, Mothers Day, Hilarious

107 Copy quote
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved.

Erich Fromm

Love, Family, Marriage

Erich Fromm (2013). “The Art of Loving”, p.44, Open Road Media

70 Copy quote

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Some are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together.

Pearl S. Buck

Love, Family, Mom

"Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

78 Copy quote

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Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age.

William Feather

Mothers Day, Mom, Children

William Feather (1949). “The Business of Life”

10 Copy quote

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As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

Oscar Wilde

Funny, Sarcastic, Mother Daughter

Oscar Wilde (2015). “The Picture of Dorian Gray (Diversion Classics)”, p.54, Diversion Books

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Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.

Oprah Winfrey

Inspirational, Mothers Day, Mom

86 Copy quote
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.

Dorothy Parker

Inspirational, Funny, Hilarious

Dorothy Parker (2004). “Dorothy Parker in Her Own Words”, Taylor Trade Publishing

39 Copy quote

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I asked mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

Bill Watterson

Motivational, Mom, Children

11 Copy quote
My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia

Barry Humphries

Funny, Friendship, Mom

9 Copy quote
Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first.

Mignon McLaughlin

Mom, Baby, Parent

Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.39, BookBaby

8 Copy quote

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She never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn't take them along.

Margaret Culkin Banning

Family, Mom, Mother

"Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

47 Copy quote

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I'm a mother with two small children, so I don't take as much crap as I used to.

Pamela Anderson

Mom, Mother, Children

6 Copy quote