Funny Mother Quotes

• I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Family, Mom

  77 Copy quote

• To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow.

  Maya Angelou

  Mothers Day, Mom, Mother Daughter

  Maya Angelou (2012). “The Collected Autobiographies of Maya Angelou”, p.49, Modern Library

  62 Copy quote

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• Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

  Sam Levenson

  Funny, Mothers Day, Hilarious

  54 Copy quote

• The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

  Calvin Trillin

  Funny, Mothers Day, Mom

  50 Copy quote

• Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Mom, Daughter

  26 Copy quote

• All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Mothers Day, Mom

  The Importance of Being Earnest act 1 (1895). The same lines appear, as a dialogue between Lord Illingworth and Mrs. Allonby, in A Woman of No Importance, act 2 (1893).

  56 Copy quote

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• Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother.

  Beverley Jones

  Funny, Family, Mom

  35 Copy quote

• My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

  Tim Allen

  Funny, Mom, Mother

  30 Copy quote

• Youth fades, love droops, the leaves of friendship fall; A mother's secret hope outlives them all.

  Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

  Mothers Day, Mom, Hope

  Oliver Wendell Holmes (2007). “Professor At The Breakfast Table”, p.129, Reprint Services Corporation

  89 Copy quote

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• My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

  Mark Twain

  Mothers Day, Mom, Baby

  Mark Twain (1961). “Twain: Wit and Wisecracks”

  27 Copy quote

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• A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.

  Peter De Vries

  Funny, Mothers Day, Mom

  23 Copy quote

• A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary.

  Dorothy Canfield Fisher

  Funny, Family, Mothers Day

  Her Son's Wife ch. 37 (1926)

  88 Copy quote

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• No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.

  Florida Scott-Maxwell

  Family, Mothers Day, Mom

  Measure of my Days (1968) p. 16

  37 Copy quote

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• There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one.

  Jill Churchill

  Inspirational, Leadership, Mothers Day

  79 Copy quote

• Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease.

  Lisa Alther

  Funny, Mothers Day, Mom

  Lisa Alther (2010). “Other Women”, p.36, Open Road Media

  62 Copy quote

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• OF COURSE I'd like to be the ideal mother. But I'm too busy raising children.

  Bil Keane

  Mother, Children, Parenting

  8 Copy quote

• Most mothers kiss and scold together.

  Pearl S. Buck

  Mothers Day, Mom, Motherhood

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  23 Copy quote

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• It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

  Phyllis Diller

  Mothers Day, Mom, Fathers Day

  68 Copy quote

• Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.

  Barbara Kingsolver

  Family, Inspiring, Mothers Day

  Barbara Kingsolver (2001). “Homeland and Other Stories”, Wheeler Pub Incorporated

  11 Copy quote

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• My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

  Bob Monkhouse

  Funny, Mom, Mother

  "They're not laughing now". www.theguardian.com. December 29, 2003.

  19 Copy quote

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• The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.

  Honore de Balzac

  Family, Mothers Day, Mom

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  91 Copy quote

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• The mother's heart is the child's schoolroom.

  Henry Ward Beecher

  Family, Mothers Day, Mom

  Henry Ward Beecher (1887). “Beecher : Christian Philosopher, Pulpit Orator, Patriot and Philantropist: A Volume of Representative Selections from the Sermons, Lectures, Prayers, and Letters of Henry Ward Beecher”

  42 Copy quote

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• Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

  Mark Twain

  Children, Effort, Parent

  12 Copy quote

• Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

  Jay Leno

  Smile, Mothers Day, Mom

  11 Copy quote

• My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Mother, Humor

  13 Copy quote