Guy Quotes - Page 29

• It became sort of a snowball effect, with guys trying to deal in their own way with 9/11, whether it was drinking or whatever.

  Denis Leary

  Funny, Drinking, Humor

  4 Copy quote

• You see the button with the guy with the tray, and you push it, and he arrives with a sandwich! And you think: "Yes! Yes! I control sandwich monkey! I live in magic land, magic land, magic land"

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

  "Monster". Documentary, Comedy, 2004.

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• There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me "oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys". Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?

  Jimmy Carr

  Funny, Girlfriend, Humor

  15 Copy quote

• Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching TV in Poland, they see the Pope, they think, "That guy was a jerk! He was so mean to me and now he's Pope? I got a swirly from the Pope!"

  Jim Gaffigan

  Funny, Home, School

  4 Copy quote

• I'm just saying, 'Hey, throw me a bone. How about a smile, cute t-shirt? Look at me.' Nothing - unless it's a turn to their friends to go, 'Hey, why is that weird guy looking at us?'

  Marc Maron

  Funny, Cute, Humor

  6 Copy quote

• God doesn't seem to talk to people like he used to. Who's he talking to now? I don't know. Then I'm walking down the street in Manhattan one day, and I realize maybe it's those guys you see walking down the street talking to themselves. You know, those guys that are like, 'I can't! No, I can't!' Maybe the other side of that conversation is God going, 'You're the new leader.' 'No I can't!' They're not crazy - they're reluctant prophets.

  Marc Maron

  Funny, Crazy, Humor

  7 Copy quote

• I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Couple, Humor

  6 Copy quote

• For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Two

  7 Copy quote

• So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

  Tim Vine

  Funny, Stars, Humor

  19 Copy quote

• Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'

  Tommy Cooper

  Funny, Humor, Men

  8 Copy quote

• It was reported that Guy Ritchie has cast his wife Madonna in a small walk-on role in his new movie, Revolver. Madonna will play the part of the woman who ruins the film.

  Tina Fey

  Funny, Humor, Play

  "Saturday Night Live (TV Series) Robert De Niro/Destiny's Child". www.imdb.com. 2004.

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• I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.

  George Carlin

  Comedian, Age, Golden

  Source: mavericksofthemind.com

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• I became a guy who wanted to be a comedian someday, or a comic actor. The way I put it was, I'll be like Danny Kaye. He was kind of the model I had in mind.

  George Carlin

  Comedian, Mind, Actors

  Source: mavericksofthemind.com

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• When I meet a new person, something has to be a little off for me to consider them beautiful. It could be crooked teeth, or veins in their skin that are a little too visible, or a really dramatic lazy eye. The first guy I ever kissed had a water head.

  Amy Sedaris

  Beautiful, Eye, Water

  "Amy Sedaris: The Believer Interview". Interview with Eric Spitznagel, www.ericspitznagel.com. March, 2004.

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• Two guys enter the cage and only one comes out the winner. It gets you pumped because you know the other guy is trying to finish you and you want to finish him before he gets his chance.

  Travis Browne

  Two, Trying, Want

  Source: ca.askmen.com

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• If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'

  Adam Ferrara

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

  7 Copy quote

• I love people-watching at the clubs in Los Angeles, where girls make fools of themselves and guys pay thousands of dollars for a couple of bottles of vodka just so they can get a table. It's quite a scene.

  Jackie Collins

  Girl, Couple, People

  4 Copy quote

• A man turns to the guy next to him who's covered in bandages from head to toe and asks "What happened?". "I fell through a glass window," explains the man. The first man says: "Lucky you were wearing all those bandages."

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Humor, Men

  8 Copy quote

• He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Humor, Sound

  26 Copy quote

• That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men

  Bill Engvall

  Funny, Humor, Men

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Feb 19, 2013

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• This guy from L.A. sits down next to me, and he says "you like baseball?" I said, "Oh, man, I love baseball." So he goes "Did you know that if Jesus had played ball, he'd have been the greatest ball player ever?" Like I'm gonna argue with that logic. So I sat there for a second, and then I said "did you know that if Babe Ruth had been the Messiah, the Catholics would have beer and hot dogs at Communion?" He left.

  Bill Engvall

  Funny, Baseball, Dog

  28 Copy quote

• I never lost any of my titles. I moved up in weight a few times. At the end of my career, the guys that beat me didn't beat the Jeff Fenech that I know.

  Jeff Fenech

  Careers, Titles, Weight

  Source: fitefansho.blogspot.com

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• Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Humor, Men

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• As far as a career legacy, I just want to be known as the guy everyone had to watch for, constantly.

  Denny Hamlin

  Careers, Legacy, Watches

  Source: www.sbnation.com

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• I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out. He went mental, but not before he counted them all.

  Russell Howard

  Funny, Humor, Slippers

  23 Copy quote