Idiot Quotes - Page 23

• Jesus made me, so he should save me from pity, sympathy and idiots discussing me.

  Steven Morrissey

  Jesus, Pity, Made

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• I don't think it's ever hard to punch someone in the face who's just punched you in the face. I would say that anyone who thinks they can walk up to someone and punch them in the face without getting punched back is an idiot. At the end of the day, if someone came up here and punched you, trust me, you would fight back. That is just basic survival.

  Zach McGowan

  Fighting, Thinking, Survival

  Source: collider.com

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• I have worked with some horrible idiots in my life. You learn the pattern of how architects work and the thing is not to fight it. Just to be very quiet, let them get on with it and let them really mess it up.

  Barbara Hulanicki

  Fighting, Patterns, Quiet

  Source: www.interviewmagazine.com

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• We have no desire to make anybody look like a blithering idiot, but we do love it when they do.

  Stephen Colbert

  Desire, Looks

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• The biggest idiot you will meet in life will be the person that thinks they know it all.

  Christopher Jones

  Thinking, Know It All, Persons

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• An honest man is all right even if he's an idiot...but a crook must have brains.

  Maxim Gorky

  Men, Brain, Crooks

  Maxim Gorky (2016). “The Lower Depths”, p.78, Courier Dover Publications

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• There is no ´Complete Idiots Guide to Creationism,´ but perhaps one is not needed.

  Andrei Codrescu

  Guides, Needed, Creationism

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• The word 'idiot' comes from a Greek root meaning private person. Idiocy is the female defect: intent on their private lives, women follow their fate through a darkness deep as that cast by malformed cells in the brain. It is no worse than the male defect, which is lunacy: men are so obsessed by public affairs that they see the world as by moonlight, which shows the outlines of every object but not the details indicative of their nature.

  Rebecca West

  Fate, Men, Cells

  Rebecca West (2010). “Black Lamb and Grey Falcon: A Journey Through Yugoslavia”, p.7, Open Road Media

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• Idiots are not responsible for what they do. The real guilt falls on rational people who sit on their hands while morons run wild. You can opt out if you want to. Play it safe. But if you do, don't complain when the roof comes down.

  Jack McDevitt

  Running, Real, Fall

  "Odyssey" (Ch. 6, p. 48). Book by Jack McDevitt, 2006.

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• When I recall my teachers at school, I realise that half of them were abnormal. . . . We pupils of old Austria were brought up to respect old people and women. But on our professors we had no mercy; they were our natural enemies. The majority of them were somewhat mentally deranged, and quite a few ended their days as honest-to-God lunatics! . . . I was in particular bad odor with the teachers. I showed not the slightest aptitude for foreign languages - though I might have, had not the teacher been a congenital idiot. I could not bear the sight of him.

  Adolf Hitler

  Teacher, School, Sight

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• I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?

  Henny Youngman

  Paid

  Henny Youngman (1994). “Henny Youngman's Bar Jokes, Bar Bets and Bar Tricks”, Outlet

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• A dog will stay stupid. That's why we love them so much. The entire time we know them, they're idiots. Think of your dog. Every time you come home, he thinks it's amazing. He has no idea how you accomplish this every day. You walk in the door; the joy of this experience overwhelms him. He looks at you, He's back. It's that guy, that same guy. He can't believe it. Everything is amazing to your dog. Another can of food? I don't believe it.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Dog, Stupid, Believe

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• The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.

  Demetri Martin

  Distance, Two, Lines

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• My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Son, Golf, Ankles

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• My son's an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Teacher, Son, Rivers

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• You run into a party and [a] woman comes up to you. She's the most beautiful creature you ever saw - Ava Gardner - and says, "I like you and why don't we get together?" What are you going to say, "No"? You'd have to be an idiot. She was an incredible creature.

  Artie Shaw

  Beautiful, Running, I Like You

  " Artie Shaw, the Reluctant 'King of Swing'", NPR, March 8, 2002.

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• I played Winnie the Pooh in first grade. I was an early adopter of standing in front of people and looking like an idiot.

  Jon Hamm

  People, Firsts, Grades

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• The president is on national TV apologizing for getting oral sex. Why didn't he just stick with his lie? You got to stick with your lie. If you lie, you have to believe that lie whole-heartedly. It has to become the truth for you. But this man, the most powerful man in the world, is on national TV apologizing for receiving oral sex. He's an idiot. There are men sitting in here right now who would gladly accept oral sex on national TV.

  Wanda Sykes

  Sex, Powerful, Lying

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• Some people just join the military because they need college money. Then they're idiots and college wasn't going to help.

  Doug Stanhope

  Military, College, People

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• A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, Hey, y'all catch all them fish? Nope - Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign.

  Bill Engvall

  Giving Up, Couple, Fishing

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Mar 14, 2013

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• You don't get a rebate at the end of your life for living with an idiot.

  Christopher Titus

  Ends

  "Christopher Titus: Love Is Evol". Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2009.

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• I can't stop some idiot from crashing into a building or blowing up a bus, I can only be your dad and give you a few pure truths. Number one, duct tape will save your life. Number two, Tupac is alive, but I need you to keep that on the DL because of Suge. And number three, don't be afraid of anything - except the television news because they're lying to you every night.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Lying, Night

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• You ever say a phrase you say all the time at the wrong time, feel like a complete idiot? Something like, 'You, too. You, too.' I was getting out of the cab at the airport, and the driver goes, 'Hey, have a nice flight.' 'You, too. You, too. You have a nice flight, too - in case you ever fly some day.

  Brian Regan

  Nice, Airports, Phrases

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• I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot that way.

  Louis C. K.

  Jobs, Way, Sticks

  Reddit AMA, www.reddit.com. May 14, 2012.

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• They sold me a duvet cover, and I don't have a duvet, I don't think. Then, they started treating me like I'm the idiot. They're like, 'Do you have a comforter?' 'Yeah.' 'Well, you have to protect it!' I had no idea it was under attack.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Thinking, Ideas, Duvets

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