The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad.
Golf is a game in which you yell "for," shoot six, and write down five.
I never learned anything from a match that I won.
They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. It's more complicated than that.
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it.
Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated.
I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose
The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
The more I practice, the luckier I get.
Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green.
Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club, don't you?
Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose.
Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I've played the game for 40 years and I still haven't the slightest idea how to play.
Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.
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