Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose
Concentration comes out of a combination of confidence and hunger.
If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad.
A kid grows up a lot faster on the golf course. Golf teaches you how to behave.
Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it.
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.
The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green.
Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose.
Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club, don't you?
Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
To find a man's true character, play golf with him.
I never learned anything from a match that I won.
They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. It's more complicated than that.
You must work very hard to become a natural golfer.
I never rooted against an opponent, but I never rooted for him either.
You swing your best when you have the fewest things to think about.
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