Physics is to mathematics what sex is to masturbation.
The only shame in masturbation is the shame of not doing it well.
Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it's a cure.
Intercourse with a woman is sometimes a satisfactory substitute for masturbation. But it takes a lot of imagination to make it work.
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
Masturbation is a meditation on self-love. So many of us are afflicted with self-loathing, bad body images, shame about our body functions, and confusion about sex and pleasure, I recommend an intense love affair with yourself
Masturbation is a democratic pleasure, practiced by rich and poor, young and old, married and single.
Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm. I really hope no one misinterprets this quote as being about masturbation.
We know that more than seventy to eighty percent of women masturbate, and ninety percent of men masturbate, and the rest lie.
I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love, and I have to use the self service pump.
Masturbation is our first and natural form of sexual activity and if that's inhibited or damaged, then we suffer for the rest of our lives.
Self improvement is masturbation.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Wrap the turkey up
In aluminum foil
My brother likes to masturbate
With baby oil.
I can imagine you touching my private parts. With just the thought of you I can't help, but touch myself.
I do not need a man. I am devoted to masturbation. I think it's probably one of the most pleasurable experiences in life.
Masturbation! The amazing availability of it!
Everyone thinks their whole life should be at least as much fun as masturbation.
Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.
Masturbation is always very safe. You not only control the person you're with, but you can leave when you want to.
Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.
I think the internet is the greatest waste of time since masturbation was discovered.
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