Masturbation Quotes

• Physics is to mathematics what sex is to masturbation.

  Richard P. Feynman

  Sex, Math, Science

  "Fear of Physics: A Guide for the Perplexed". Book by Lawrence M. Krauss (p. 27), 1993.

  132 Copy quote

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• The only shame in masturbation is the shame of not doing it well.

  Sigmund Freud

  Shame, Wells

  237 Copy quote

• Masturbation is a meditation on self-love. So many of us are afflicted with self-loathing, bad body images, shame about our body functions, and confusion about sex and pleasure, I recommend an intense love affair with yourself

  Betty Dodson

  Sex, Self, Confusion

  19 Copy quote

• If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sexy, Arms

  43 Copy quote

• Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it's a cure.

  Thomas Szasz

  Sex, Disease, Century

  The Second Sin (1973) "Sex"

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• We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

  Lily Tomlin

  Witty, Sex, Believe

  35 Copy quote

• Intercourse with a woman is sometimes a satisfactory substitute for masturbation. But it takes a lot of imagination to make it work.

  Karl Kraus

  Work, Imagination, Literature

  Die Fackel, 2 July 1907

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• I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life.

  John Mayer

  Serious, Problem

  "John Mayer apologises after using N-word in Playboy interview" by Rosie Swash, www.theguardian.com. February 11, 2010.

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• Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.

  Woody Allen

  Movie, Sex, Humorous

  Annie Hall (motion picture) (1977). Cowritten with Marshall Brickman.

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• Masturbation is a democratic pleasure, practiced by rich and poor, young and old, married and single.

  Mason Cooley

  Married, Rich, Pleasure

  23 Copy quote

• I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love, and I have to use the self service pump.

  Al Yankovic

  Self, Gas Stations, Use

  8 Copy quote

• Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm. I really hope no one misinterprets this quote as being about masturbation.

  Audrey Hepburn

  Hands, Needs, Arms

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• The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it.

  Truman Capote

  Witty, Sex, Good Things

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• I can imagine you touching my private parts. With just the thought of you I can't help, but touch myself.

  Toni Braxton

  Touching, Helping, Imagine

  Song: You're Makin Me High, Album: Secrets, 1996

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• Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

  Woody Allen

  Love, Funny, Life

  408 Copy quote

• Self improvement is masturbation.

  Chuck Palahniuk

  Self, Cynical, Development

  Chuck Palahniuk (2014). “Beautiful You: A Novel”, p.199, Anchor

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• I do not need a man. I am devoted to masturbation. I think it's probably one of the most pleasurable experiences in life.

  Gloria Stuart

  Men, Thinking, Needs

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• Masturbation is our first and natural form of sexual activity and if that's inhibited or damaged, then we suffer for the rest of our lives.

  Betty Dodson

  Suffering, Firsts, Natural

  21 Copy quote

• Drawing and masturbation were the first sacred experiences I remember.

  Carolee Schneemann

  Drawing, Experience, Sacred

  Carolee Schneemann (2003). “Imaging Her Erotics: Essays, Interviews, Projects”, p.131, MIT Press

  18 Copy quote

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• Masturbation! The amazing availability of it!

  James Joyce

  Drinking, Availability

  21 Copy quote

• I think that there's nothing wrong with masturbation. If you're not feeling good about your own sexuality and your own body, you're not going to feel good about anything else.

  Hugh Hefner

  Thinking, Feel Good, Feelings

  "Media: Rabbit is Rich". Interview with Jonathan Roberts, www.interviewmagazine.com. December, 1985.

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• Masturbation is the thinking man's television.

  Christopher Hampton

  Men, Thinking, Television

  1970 The Philanthropist.

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• The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

  Patrick Murray

  Leisure Activities, Computer, Internet

  25 Copy quote

• Masturbation is always very safe. You not only control the person you're with, but you can leave when you want to.

  Dudley Moore

  Safe, Want, Persons

  6 Copy quote

• If masturbation is a crime then I should be on death row.

  Jeremy Piven

  Crime, Should, Death Row

  18 Copy quote