I actually put peanut butter on my bagel. I really like peanut butter and I like to ruin the bagel. You know what's even crazier that I do sometimes? I do cinnamon raisin bagels with peanut butter. It is really, really out there.
The worst thing you can do is nothing.
I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts.
Learn from yesterday, live for today, look to tomorrow, rest this afternoon.
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.
Learn from yesterday, live for today.
Sometimes you lie in bed at night, and you don't have a single thing to worry about...That always worries me!
Try not to have a good time... this is supposed to be educational.
Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life.
That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another.
For a parent, it's hard to recognize the significance of your work when you're immersed in the mundane details. Few of us, as we run the bath water or spread the peanut butter on the bread, proclaim proudly, "I'm making my contribution to the future of the planet." But with the exception of global hunger, few jobs in the world of paychecks and promotions compare in significance to the job of parent.
Each suburban wife struggles with it alone. As she made the beds, shopped for groceries, matched slipcover material, ate peanut butter sandwiches with her children, chauffeured Cub Scouts and Brownies, lay beside her husband at night- she was afraid to ask even of herself the silent question-- 'Is this all?
I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.
I'm dying and all I hear are insults!
Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space.
Never jump into a pile of leaves with a wet sucker.
I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building.
In spite of the poor economy, almost 70 percent of Americans occasionally splurge on luxury items -- like a blanket on a plane, or a peanut.
I love pets and I love animals, and I just got a new puppy, a new rescue named Peanut. She's a tiny little Chihuahua mix.
My mom used to make everything. She had a great garden and composted and made everything from scratch - peanut butter, bread, jelly, everything. I don't know how she did it because all those things take time and love and labour. I only do half the stuff she does - but there's still time.
But it makes an immigrant laugh to hear the fears of the nationalist, scared of infection, penetration, miscegenation, when this is small fry, peanuts, compared to what the immigrant fears - dissolution, disappearance.
The trouble with remakes is that people fall in love with the original. It's like peanut butter. If you try to change the taste of peanut butter, you're in trouble.
My grandmother taught me that accomplishments meant less than what you left behind. I started to ask myself what impact my comedy would have on people's lives. And that changed my act. I got cleaner. I stopped talking about generic stuff like airplane peanuts and started speaking the truth about my gift.
Withdrawal of US troops will become like salted peanuts to the American public: The more US troops come home, the more will be demanded.
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