Tax Returns Quotes

• The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.

  Arthur C. Clarke

  Zero, Funny Life, Business

  "The Mammoth Book of Zingers, Quips, and One-Liners". Book by Geoff Tibballs (p. 264), 2004.

  23 Copy quote

  Show source

• Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.

  Herman Wouk

  Book, Income, Fiction

  48 Copy quote

• I will absolutely give my [tax] return, but I'm being audited now for two or three years, so I can't do it until the audit is finished, obviously.

  Donald Trump

  Years, Two, Giving

  5 Copy quote

• When my mother makes out her income tax return every year, under occupation she writes, eroding my daughter's self-esteem.

  Robin Roberts

  Mother, Daughter, Self Esteem

  4 Copy quote

• The same government that requires a taxpaying citizen to document every statement on his tax return decrees that questioning a welfare applicant demeans and humiliates him.

  Ronald Reagan

  Government, Citizens, Return

  8 Copy quote

• Anyone who's ever filed a tax return or visited the Department of Motor Vehicles understands that government does two things well: spend our money and waste our time.

  Edwin Feulner

  Government, Motor Vehicles, Two

  6 Copy quote

• Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of dollars: For several days before you put it in the mail, carry your tax return around under your armpit. No IRS agent is going to want to spend hours poring over a sweat-stained document. So even if you owe money, you can put in for an enormous refund and the agent will probably give it to you, just to avoid an audit. What does he care? It's not his money.

  Dave Barry

  Humorous, Sweat, Giving

  9 Copy quote

• Even when all the paperwork-a marriage license, a notarized deed, two birth certificates, and seven years of tax returns-clearly indicates you're an adult, but all the same, there you are, clutching the phone and thanking God that you're still somebody's daughter.

  Kelly Corrigan

  Daughter, Phones, Years

  "The Middle Place". Book by Kelly Corrigan, www.today.com. 2005.

  6 Copy quote

  Show source

• He should release the tax returns tomorrow. It's crazy. You've got to release six, eight, ten years back tax returns. Take the hit for a day or two. He has to give a big speech in defense of capitalism, and that will elevate, I think, this race above this tactical back and forth, which I do think he's on the margin of losing.

  William Kristol

  Crazy, Thinking, Eight

  4 Copy quote

• The only one that cares about my tax returns are the reporters, OK? They're the only who ask.

  Donald Trump

  Care, Return, Taxes

  "Donald Trump's News Conference: Full Transcript and Video", www.nytimes.com. January 11, 2017.

  5 Copy quote

  Show source

• President Obama released his tax returns. It turns out he made $900,000 less in 2011 then he did in 2010. You know what that means? Even Obama is doing worse under President Obama.

  Jay Leno

  Mean, President, Return

  8 Copy quote

• In general, anyone who paid the long distance telephone tax will get the refund on their 2006 federal income tax return. This includes individuals, businesses and non-profit organizations.

  Virgil Goode

  Distance, Organization, Long

  4 Copy quote

• Our federal income tax law defines the tax y to be paid in terms of the income x; it does so in a clumsy enough way by pasting several linear functions together, each valid in another interval or bracket of income. An archeologist who, five thousand years from now, shall unearth some of our income tax returns together with relics of engineering works and mathematical books, will probably date them a couple of centuries earlier, certainly before Galileo and Vieta.

  Hermann Weyl

  Couple, Book, Math

  8 Copy quote

• Reports also suggest that Ernst and Young and other large tax preparation firms are sending tax returns overseas for processing. But the IRS has no control over tax information once it's been sent to India or another country.

  Melissa Bean

  Country, Preparation, India

  7 Copy quote

• My tax return in the United States has to be kept on a special computer because their normal computers can't deal with the numbers. So I am constantly getting these notices telling me I haven't paid something when really it is just on the wrong computer.

  Bill Gates

  Numbers, Special, Return

  "Bill Gates Too Rich For US Tax Computers...", www.huffingtonpost.com. March 28, 2008.

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• All I'm doing is I'm filling out my tax returns - or my accountants are, and I'm paying whatever I'm supposed to pay, though I'm giving away a large amount of the money and that probably lowers my tax rate because I'm giving away so much money. But change the law, but don't blame me for the law. I'm not writing the law. I didn't write the law.

  David Rubenstein

  Writing, Law, Giving

  4 Copy quote

• He [Mitt Romney] didn't pay taxes for 10 years! Now, do I know that that's true? Well, I'm not certain, but obviously he can't release those tax returns. How would it look?

  Harry Reid

  Years, Looks, Pay

  4 Copy quote

• My mother and father had so many ups and downs and stayed with each other and helped each other. My mother took in ironing and she was a waitress. My father was working in the factory and he did people's tax returns.

  Patti Smith

  Mother, Father, People

  "Patti Smith: 'I love Portland ... it's a real book town'". Interview with Jeff Baker, www.oregonlive.com. January 31, 2010.

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• Bliss - a-second-by-second joy and gratitude at the gift of being alive, conscious - lies on the other side of crushing, crushing boredom. Pay close attention to the most tedious thing you can find (Tax Returns, Televised Golf) and, in waves, a boredom like you’ve never known will wash over you and just about kill you. Ride these out, and it’s like stepping from black and white into color. Like water after days in the desert. Instant bliss in every atom.

  David Foster Wallace

  Crush, Gratitude, Lying

  "Will David Foster Wallace’s The Pale King Be the Most Boring Book Ever?" by Lane Brown, www.vulture.com. March 3, 2009.

  14 Copy quote

  Show source

• So much in writing depends on the superficiality of one's days. One may be preoccupied with shopping and income tax returns and chance conversations, but the stream of the unconscious continues to flow undisturbed, solving problems, planning ahead: one sits down sterile and dispirited at the desk, and suddenly the words come as though from the air: the situations that seemed blocked in a hopeless impasse move forward: the work has been done while one slept or shopped or talked with friends.

  Graham Greene

  Moving Forward, Writing, Shopping

  Graham Greene (1974). “The end of the affair”, Vintage

  13 Copy quote

  Show source

• I don't like the income tax. Every time we talk about these taxes we get around to the idea of 'from each according to his capacity and to each according to his needs'. That's socialism. It's written into the Communist Manifesto. Maybe we ought to see that every person who gets a tax return receives a copy of the Communist Manifesto with it so he can see what's happening to him.

  T. Coleman Andrews

  Ideas, Return, Income

  U.S. News & World Report, May 25, 1956.

  50 Copy quote

  Show source

• Life may unfold chronologically for the body and for bureaucracies that keep track of such things as births, marriages, deaths, visas, tax returns, expulsions, and identity cards, but memory does not play this game in quite the same way, always manages to confound the desire for tidiness.

  Ariel Dorfman

  Memories, Games, Play

  Ariel Dorfman (2012). “Feeding on Dreams: Confessions of an Unrepentant Exile”, p.9, Melbourne Univ. Publishing

  8 Copy quote

  Show source

• And to you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return on time! And remember that, even though income taxes can be a 'pain in the neck,' the folks at the IRS are regular people just like you, except that they can destroy your life

  Dave Barry

  Pain, People, Return

  Dave Barry (2003). “Boogers Are My Beat: More Lies, but Some Actual Journalism”, p.114, Crown Archetype

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• Earlier today, the White House released President Bush's tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq

  Conan O'Brien

  Iraq, White, House

  4 Copy quote

• I'll release my tax returns when Barack Obama releases his college transcripts and the copy of his admission records to show whether he got any loans as a foreign student. When he releases that, talk to me about my tax returns.

  Mike Huckabee

  College, Records, Return

  "Huckabee Wants To Know If Obama Got College Loans 'As A Foreign Student'". "The O'Reilly Factor", Fox News, www.mediamatters.org. January 20, 2012.

  5 Copy quote

  Show source