Work Humor Quotes

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  I love deadlines. I like the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

  Douglas Adams

  Love, Inspirational, Hilarious

  "The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time (Dirk Gently, Book 3)". Book by Douglas Adams, 2002.

  107 Copy quote

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• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Success, Clever

  84 Copy quote

• I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

  Jerome K. Jerome

  Funny, Work, Humorous

  Three Men in a Boat ch. 15 (1889)

  67 Copy quote

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• Choose a career you love and you will never have to go to work.

  Denis Waitley

  Fathers Day, Work, Careers

  39 Copy quote
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  By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.

  Robert Frost

  Funny, Motivational, Hilarious

  248 Copy quote

• The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Witty, Time

  714 Copy quote

• Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off forever.

  P. J. Plauger

  Inspirational, Funny Motivational, Procrastination

  58 Copy quote

• I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

  Charles Lamb

  Funny, Hilarious, Witty

  74 Copy quote

• If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.

  Lane Kirkland

  Funny, Money, Hard Work

  61 Copy quote

• If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'

  Dave Barry

  Life And Love, Business, Humor

  Dave Barry (1999). “Dave Barry Turns 50”, Random House Digital, Inc.

  90 Copy quote

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• I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - T-SHIRT

  Darynda Jones

  Funny, Birthday, Humorous

  Darynda Jones (2013). “Fifth Grave Past the Light”, p.21, St. Martin's Press

  21 Copy quote

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• If at first you don't succeed, try hard work.

  William Feather

  Success, Perseverance, Hard Work

  84 Copy quote

• Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

  Scott Adams

  Wisdom, Needs, Dilbert

  8 Copy quote

• Just be truthful - and if you can fake that, you've got it made.

  Barbara Stanwyck

  Success, Fake People, Truth

  39 Copy quote

• Work hard at work worth doing.

  Theodore Roosevelt

  Work, Day Jobs, Labor Day

  Theodore Roosevelt (1967). “Writings”

  19 Copy quote

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• Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them. If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

  Quentin Crisp

  Rome, Style, May

  12 Copy quote

• The second mouse gets the cheese!

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Witty, Iron

  17 Copy quote

• Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Life, Happiness

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  703 Copy quote

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• Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

  Will Rogers

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "The Graduation Speech I'd Give, if Anyone Asked" by Karina Bland, www.azcentral.com. June 03, 2015.

  356 Copy quote

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• One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

  Bertrand Russell

  Success, Work, Stress

  Conquest of Happiness (1930) ch. 5

  97 Copy quote

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• Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

  Edgar Bergen

  Funny, Business, Work

  Quoted in Robert Byrne, The Other 637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said (1984) See Modern Proverbs 41

  15 Copy quote

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• If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

  Laurence J. Peter

  Funny, Witty, Revenge

  Laurence J. Peter (1979). “Peter's people”, W. Morrow

  35 Copy quote

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• Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

  Thomas Szasz

  Revenge, Mistake, Inspiration

  The Second Sin (1973) "Social Relations"

  16 Copy quote

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• Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Life, Sarcastic

  "Mark Twain: Collected Tales, Sketches, Speeches, and Essays Vol. 1 1852-1890".

  272 Copy quote

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• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Life, Humor

  21 Copy quote