Work Humor Quotes

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  I love deadlines. I like the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

  Douglas Adams

  Love, Inspirational, Hilarious

  "The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time (Dirk Gently, Book 3)". Book by Douglas Adams, 2002.

  102 Copy quote

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• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Success, Clever

  78 Copy quote
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  By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.

  Robert Frost

  Funny, Motivational, Hilarious

  235 Copy quote

• I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

  Jerome K. Jerome

  Funny, Work, Humorous

  Three Men in a Boat ch. 15 (1889)

  62 Copy quote

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• Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off forever.

  P. J. Plauger

  Inspirational, Funny Motivational, Procrastination

  57 Copy quote

• The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Witty, Time

  674 Copy quote

• I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

  Charles Lamb

  Funny, Hilarious, Witty

  69 Copy quote

• Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

  Edgar Bergen

  Funny, Business, Work

  Quoted in Robert Byrne, The Other 637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said (1984) See Modern Proverbs 41

  13 Copy quote

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• The second mouse gets the cheese!

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Witty, Iron

  15 Copy quote

• Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Life, Happiness

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  596 Copy quote

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• Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

  Will Rogers

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "The Graduation Speech I'd Give, if Anyone Asked" by Karina Bland, www.azcentral.com. June 03, 2015.

  305 Copy quote

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• One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

  Bertrand Russell

  Success, Work, Stress

  Conquest of Happiness (1930) ch. 5

  94 Copy quote

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• Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

  George Burns

  Funny, Success, Fake People

  80 Copy quote

• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Life, Sarcastic

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  108 Copy quote

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• I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Work, Humor

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  17 Copy quote

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• I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Life, Birthday

  112 Copy quote

• Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Witty, Work

  Quoted in Frank Harris, Oscar Wilde: His Life and Confessions (1916)

  63 Copy quote

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• Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

  Confucius

  Love, Inspirational, Life

  156 Copy quote

• The beatings will continue until morale improves.

  Stephen Hawking

  Morale, Inspirational Office

  6 Copy quote

• Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Inspirational, Funny Motivational, Procrastination

  24 Copy quote

• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Life, Humor

  17 Copy quote

• Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Life, Sarcastic

  "Mark Twain: Collected Tales, Sketches, Speeches, and Essays Vol. 1 1852-1890".

  242 Copy quote

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• Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

  Thomas Szasz

  Revenge, Mistake, Inspiration

  The Second Sin (1973) "Social Relations"

  15 Copy quote

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• If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

  Laurence J. Peter

  Funny, Witty, Revenge

  Laurence J. Peter (1979). “Peter's people”, W. Morrow

  29 Copy quote

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• Two wrongs don't make a right.

  Roald Dahl

  Revenge, Humorous, Math

  Roald Dahl (2016). “The GFG: The Guid Freendly Giant: The BFG in Scots”, p.145, Black & White Publishing

  24 Copy quote

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