I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.
If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.
Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
I am going to give you a piece of advice... advice I wish I'd been told in guidance class back in high school, in between the don't-do-acid and don't-drink-and-drive films. I wish our counselors had told us, 'When you grow older a dreadful, horrible sensation will come over you. It's called loneliness, and you think you know what it is now, but you don't. Here is the list of the symptoms, and don't worry—loneliness is the most universal sensation on the planet. Just remember one fact—loneliness will pass. You will survive and you will be a better human for it.
The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you don't drive sober either Mr. Healey. You're blind for God's sake!
Hi, I'm Jeff Healy of the Jeff Healy band. Don't drink and drive. I don't... you're blind!
I'm the most cynical person, and I know what that sounds like when you say, I don't drink and drive, and I don't. But I know people look at that with skepticism, and I understand.
or simply:
