If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.
Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.
Golf is the most fun you can have with out taking your clothes off.
Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play the ball where it lies.
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
Writing is the most fun you can have by yourself.
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf - it's almost a law.
Sex is the most fun you can have without smiling.
Golf isn't like other sports where you can take a player out if he's having a bad day. You have to play the whole game.
Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course
Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
One minute you're bleeding. The next minute you're hemorrhaging. The next minute you're painting the Mona Lisa.
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.
My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.
or simply:
