Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
One day the "Don't Knows" will get in and then where will we be?
Aristocrats have heirs, the poor have children, and the rest keep dogs.
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
I can speak Esperanto like a native.
Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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