If I've inadvertently become some sort of role model for failed comedians, then it's really backfired very badly on me.
Depression is something that has always figured in my life but now I'm dealing with it. I wish I'd done this years ago because it's been really helpful.
I really hated fighting people and hurting them, but felt unable to stop.
I took religion much too seriously, however, and its overall effect was depressing. I would have really liked to discard it, but somehow I couldn't.
My character, Rick Spleen, is a what-if version of me, really, where nothing did quite turn out right and everything else is still around the corner.
I was on various anti-depressants, but not for long - I didn't function very well on them. I felt sort of flattened out.
One Saturday in 1984, I walked into my first AA meeting. I went regularly for six years and only stopped when I came to realize my underlying problem was not genuine alcoholism, but depression.
I'm not really part of any group or clique or gang because that's always been my nature.
I had a longing for ritual, something I could cling to, a routine to make me feel well and contented. I hoped that reading Bible commentaries and theological critiques would nudge me closer to some kind of absolute that I could hold up as a torch to light my way.
Maybe I fear things going wrong so much that I pre-empt them by not getting excited about them when they appear to be. going well.
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