Latest Anthony Jeselnik Quotes from Interviews

Quotes about:

• I'm too cynical to be an optimist.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Cynical, Optimist

  "Comedian Anthony Jeselnik: “He’s The Best!” -Everybody". Interview With David Dean, www.serialoptimist.com. November 29, 2010.

• I'll be very busy, which is all I need.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Needs, Busy

  "Comedian Anthony Jeselnik: “He’s The Best!” -Everybody". Interview With David Dean, www.serialoptimist.com. November 29, 2010.

• My perfect night would be going out to an awesome restaurant, then heading over to the Comedy Cellar to hang out with other comics, drinking beers and making fun of each other.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Fun, Drinking, Beer

  Source: www.serialoptimist.com

• I'm interested in doing some acting in the future, but it's a distant second to stand up.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Acting

  "Comedian Anthony Jeselnik: “He’s The Best!” -Everybody". Interview With David Dean, www.serialoptimist.com. November 29, 2010.

• Usually the beginning of a story that people hear a lot. For example, "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut" or "My dad keeps losing his car keys." And then I just think of different ways the story could end. "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend." Then I try it out on stage. I don't do a lot of re-writing. My jokes either work or they don't. The trick is just to write a ton of jokes.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Girlfriend, Dad, Writing

  "Comedian Anthony Jeselnik: “He’s The Best!” -Everybody". Interview With David Dean, www.serialoptimist.com. November 29, 2010.

• I actually never acted on "Deadwood." I have meetings all the time where people look at my IMDb page and see that I played the part of "Accounting Clerk" on Deadwood. Actually, I was the accounting clerk for production of "Deadwood."

  Anthony Jeselnik

  People, Clerks, Looks

  Source: www.serialoptimist.com

• I come up with my jokes by thinking of a topic.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Thinking, Topics, Come Up

  "Comedian Anthony Jeselnik: “He’s The Best!” -Everybody". Interview With David Dean, www.serialoptimist.com. November 29, 2010.

• I like to read, but otherwise I'm just your average, self-obsessed comedian. It's pretty much all I think about.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Thinking, Self, Average

  "Comedian Anthony Jeselnik: “He’s The Best!” -Everybody". Interview With David Dean, www.serialoptimist.com. November 29, 2010.

• Todd Glass has amazing energy on stage. Dave Attell is one of my favorites because he's a one liner comic who is always incredibly in the moment with the audience. As for newer people, I think Adrienne Iapalucci writes some great, dark jokes and Sean Patton has a hilarious voice on stage.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Writing, Dark, Thinking

  "Comedian Anthony Jeselnik: “He’s The Best!” -Everybody". Interview With David Dean, www.serialoptimist.com. November 29, 2010.

• I love anyone who surprises me and makes me laugh.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Laughing, Surprise, Make Me Laugh

  "Comedian Anthony Jeselnik: “He’s The Best!” -Everybody". Interview With David Dean, www.serialoptimist.com. November 29, 2010.

• I tell very mean jokes.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Mean, Jokes, Very Mean

  "Comedian Anthony Jeselnik: “He’s The Best!” -Everybody". Interview With David Dean, www.serialoptimist.com. November 29, 2010.

• I'm really proud of the album. It's something I always wanted to do but I had to wait until I was ready. Shakespeare is a culmination of eight years of stand up experience and joke writing. I recorded two shows at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in New York. The crowds were great and that's what really makes an album.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  New York, Writing, Eight

  "Comedian Anthony Jeselnik: “He’s The Best!” -Everybody". Interview With David Dean, www.serialoptimist.com. November 29, 2010.

• 2010 has been awesome. I got to write on the David Hasselhoff Roast this summer, and that's always been a dream.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Summer, Dream, Writing

  "Comedian Anthony Jeselnik: “He’s The Best!” -Everybody". Interview With David Dean, www.serialoptimist.com. November 29, 2010.

• My first time on stage was the class "graduation" at the Comedy Store. It was awesome. Everything got huge laughs and I just thought I knew how to do comedy.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Class, Laughing, Firsts

  "Comedian Anthony Jeselnik: “He’s The Best!” -Everybody". Interview With David Dean, www.serialoptimist.com. November 29, 2010.

• About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night talk show. So I met with a late night joke writer and he told me that I should start by doing stand-up comedy, because that would really hone my sense of humor and joke writing ability. Eventually I took a stand-up class and a few months later I had a seven-minute act.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Writing, Night, Years

  "Comedian Anthony Jeselnik: “He’s The Best!” -Everybody". Interview With David Dean, www.serialoptimist.com. November 29, 2010.

• I don't get back as much as I'd like to, so I don't have a lot of close ties [Pittsburgh], but I'll bleed black and gold until I die.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Ties, Black, Gold

  "Comedian Anthony Jeselnik: “He’s The Best!” -Everybody". Interview With David Dean, www.serialoptimist.com. November 29, 2010.

• I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Couple, Years, Trying

  "Comedian Anthony Jeselnik: “He’s The Best!” -Everybody". Interview With David Dean, www.serialoptimist.com. November 29, 2010.

• Every year I volunteer at a hospital on Thanksgiving, deep-frying turkeys in the children's burn unit. I do it just to see the looks on their little "faces."

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Children, Years, Turkeys

  Source: www.serialoptimist.com

• If your house is on fire and you can only escape with your life and one thing, what one thing would you take out of your house? I got to think my laptop is the one thing that is totally irreplaceable. Either that or my son. Laptop. I'll go laptop.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Son, Thinking, Fire

  "Anthony Jeselnik on Sharon Stone, thankless open mics, and his evil plan". Interview with Marah Eakin, www.avclub.com. October 16, 2015.

• I try to write three jokes every morning, although I don't know what they are. I write them as fast as I can, then I put them away for a month. So I couldn't even tell you what they are, or if they're good. I just assume they weren't.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Morning, Writing, Trying

  "Anthony Jeselnik on Sharon Stone, thankless open mics, and his evil plan". Interview with Marah Eakin, www.avclub.com. October 16, 2015.

• I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut. So I was either talking for the sake of talking, or I was curled up with a book somewhere hiding from everyone.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Book, Kids, Talking

  "Anthony Jeselnik on Sharon Stone, thankless open mics, and his evil plan". Interview with Marah Eakin, www.avclub.com. October 16, 2015.

• I think the reason I became funny was because if I made people laugh, they would let me keep talking.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Thinking, Talking, People

  "Anthony Jeselnik on Sharon Stone, thankless open mics, and his evil plan". Interview with Marah Eakin, www.avclub.com. October 16, 2015.

• With comics, you always talk about a big break, but there are a lot of big breaks in your life and not one of them makes a big difference.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Differences, Break, Bigs

  "Anthony Jeselnik on Sharon Stone, thankless open mics, and his evil plan". Interview with Marah Eakin, www.avclub.com. October 16, 2015.

• I don't want to wake up with cops surrounding my bed tonight.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Bed, Wake Up, Tonight

  "Anthony Jeselnik on Sharon Stone, thankless open mics, and his evil plan". Interview with Marah Eakin, www.avclub.com. October 16, 2015.

• Everyone gets laid off and everyone in Hollywood gets unemployment for six months while they're looking for a new job. So I would just do stand-up for six months and think I was really making it, and when my unemployment ran out, I had to get another job immediately.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Jobs, Thinking, New Job

  "Anthony Jeselnik on Sharon Stone, thankless open mics, and his evil plan". Interview with Marah Eakin, www.avclub.com. October 16, 2015.