Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
Always examine the dice.
I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.
You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way
Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of bandages and adhesive tape.
Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech, and that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself.
Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills.
How would you like to feel the way she looks?
I was born at a very early age. Before I had time to regret it, I was four and a half years old.
The Arab and the camel are inseparable. It's been said that and Arab would give up his wife rather than give up his camel. Personally, I haven't got a camel, but I think it's a great idea.
The difference between a politician and a snail is that the snail leaves its slime behind. Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.
Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.
Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? How much
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication
I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing
Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while
It isn't so much that hard times are coming; the change observed is mostly soft times going.
Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed.
I shall drink no # wine before it's time! OK, it's time.
Blood's not thicker than money.
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