I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago...I shot my broker.
Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?
I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.
A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.
I've met a lot of pin-up girls, but I've never been able to pin one down
Wages? You want to be wage slaves? Answer me that! Of course not. What is it that makes wage slaves? Wages! I want you to be free. Strike off your chains! Strike up the band! Strike three you're out! Remember, there's nothing like Liberty, except Colliers and The Saturday Evening Post. Be free, now and forever. One and individual. One for all and all for me, and tea for two and six for a quarter.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.
In France, for example, it is not unusual for a husband to have a wife and a mistress. However, if in addition to these two he's also having a fling with a fringe tootsie, both the wife and the mistress are outraged and the combination lover, husband, and cheat may well wind up with a large French bread knife between his ribs.
I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up.
She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.
There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference.
You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week.
If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake.
Go, and never darken my towels again
Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
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