The best teacher of children, in brief, is one who is essentially childlike.
Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing.
Women in general seem to me to be appreciably more intelligent than men. A great many of them suffer in silence from the imbecilities of their husbands.
Syllogisms а la mode - If you are against labor racketeers, then you are against the working man. If you are against demagogues, then you are against democracy. If you are against Christianity, then you are against God. If you are against trying a can of Old Dr. Quack's Cancer Salve, then you are in favor of letting Uncle Julius die.
No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.
Shave a gorilla and it would be almost impossible, at twenty paces, to distinguish him from a heavyweight champion of the world. Skin a chimpanzee, and it would take an autopsy to prove he was not a theologian.
If the average man is made in God's image, then a man such as Beethoven or Aristotle is plainly superior to God, and so God may be jealous of him, and eager to see his superiority perish with his bodily frame.
The theory behind representative government is that superior men-or at least men not inferior to the average in ability and integrity-are chosen to manage the public business, and that they carry on this work with reasonable intelligence and honest. There is little support for that theory in known facts.
Penetrating so many secrets, we cease to believe in the unknowable. But there it sits nevertheless, calmly licking its chops
Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian.
All the great enterprises of the world are run by a few smart men: their aides and associates run down by rapid stages to the level of sheer morons. Everyone knows that this is true of government, but we often forget that it is equally true of private undertakings. In the average great bank, or railroad, or other corporation the burden of management lies upon a small group. The rest are ciphers.
A tin horn politician with the manner of a rural corn doctor and the mien of a ham actor
A man of active and resilient mind outwears his friendships just as certainly as he outwears his love affairs, his politics and his epistemology.
Dachshund: A half-a-dog high and a dog-and-a-half long.
A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.
Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven.
America's biggest failure is its inability to take comedy seriously.
I know of no existing nation that deserves to live, and I know of very few individuals.
Wife: a former sweetheart.
One of the things that makes a Negro unpleasant to white folk is the fact that he suffers from their injustice. He is thus a standing rebuke to them.
School days, I believe, are the unhappiest in the whole span of human existence.
A sense of humor always withers in the presence of the messianic delusion, like justice and the truth in front of patriotic passion.
Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good.
Every step in human progress, from the first feeble stirrings in the abyss of time, has been opposed by the great majority of men. Every valuable thing that has been added to the store of man's possessions has been derided by them when it was new, and destroyed by them when they had the power. They have fought every new truth ever heard of, and they have killed every truth-seeker who got into their hands.
There is only one justification for having sinned, and that is to be glad of it.
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