Scott Adams Quotes - Page 5

Quotes about:

• The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.

  Scott Adams

  Running, Food, Firsts

  Scott Adams (2007). “Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!: Cartoonist Explains Cloning, Blouse Monsters, Voting Machines, Romance, Monkey G ods, How to Avoid Being Mistaken for a Rodent, and More”, p.448, Penguin

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• I can't bring myself to believe in a God with a personality like my own. I base that on the paucity of lightning attacks on people who deserve it.

  Scott Adams

  God, Believe, People

  Scott Adams (2007). “Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!: Cartoonist Explains Cloning, Blouse Monsters, Voting Machines, Romance, Monkey G ods, How to Avoid Being Mistaken for a Rodent, and More”, p.446, Penguin

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• You already barely exist. Disappearing entirely won't be that much of a change.

  Scott Adams

  Death, Suicide, Disappear

  Scott Adams (2007). “Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!: Cartoonist Explains Cloning, Blouse Monsters, Voting Machines, Romance, Monkey G ods, How to Avoid Being Mistaken for a Rodent, and More”, p.281, Penguin

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• Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.

  Scott Adams

  Happiness, Success, Hope

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• Recently I quit caffeine. My doctor seems to think that 17 Diet Cokes per day is too much. In case you ever consider getting off caffeine yourself, let me explain the process. You begin by sitting motionlessly in a desk chair. Then you just keep doing that forever because life has no meaning.

  Scott Adams

  Coffee, Thinking, Doctors

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• There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color.

  Scott Adams

  Color, Ideas, Looks

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• The Dilbert Principle: People are idiots.

  Scott Adams

  People, Principles, Idiot

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• If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.

  Scott Adams

  Technology, Done, Condescension And

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• The best you can hope for in a relationship is to find someone whose flaws are the sort you don’t mind. It is futile to look for someone who has no flaws, or someone who is capable of significant change; that sort of person exists only in our imaginations.

  Scott Adams

  Relationship, Significant Change, Imagination

  Scott Adams (2004). “God's Debris: A Thought Experiment”, p.112, Andrews McMeel Publishing

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• The human population is 90% gullible, violence-prone dipshits.

  Scott Adams

  Death, Suicide, Population

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• You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway.

  Scott Adams

  Funny, Wise, Country

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• Reality is always controlled by the people who are the most insane.

  Scott Adams

  Reality, People, Insane

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• We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.

  Scott Adams

  Ignorance, Views, Sea

  "The Call of Cthulhu". Short story by H.P. Lovecraft, www.hplovecraft.com. 1928.

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• In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.

  Scott Adams

  Car, Hot, Way

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• The greenest home is the one you don't build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that's already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don't want.

  Scott Adams

  Moving, Home, Squirrels

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• The best any human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day. This is why people of different religions can generally live in peace. At some level, we all suspect that other people don't believe their own religion any more than we believe ours.

  Scott Adams

  Believe, People, Religion

  Scott Adams (2004). “God's Debris: A Thought Experiment”, p.29, Andrews McMeel Publishing

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• Ask a deeply religious Christian if he’d rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don’t seem so bad lately.

  Scott Adams

  Christian, Religious, Atheist

  "The Dilbert Blog: Atheists: The New Gays". November 19, 2006.

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• We know the goats are imported because they don't speak English.

  Scott Adams

  Speak English, Goats, Speak

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• If you don't believe your salmon is wild, ask it to fetch your newspaper and see what happens.

  Scott Adams

  Believe, Salmon, Fetch

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• When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids.

  Scott Adams

  People, Boss, Stories

  "Scott Adams Keeps the Home Office Humming". Interview with Adam Bryant, www.nytimes.com. September 7, 1997.

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• One of the great things about being ignorant is that I often think my ideas are original. It's a wonderful feeling. That's why I try to avoid any knowledge that would spoil the sensation. Sometimes it isn't easy. People keep hurling knowledge at me, and I can't always duck.

  Scott Adams

  Knowledge, Thinking, Ideas

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• If you're following the news, you know that the major religions differ in their interpretation of the holy books. For example, one way to interpret God's will is that you should love your neighbor. An alternate reading of the holy books might lead you to rig a donkey cart with small mortar rockets and aim it at a hotel full of infidels. In summary, po-tay-to, poh-tah-to. Religions are very flexible.

  Scott Adams

  Love You, Reading, Book

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• Have you ever noticed that things that don’t kill you make you weaker? And great minds don’t think alike. If they did, the patent office would only have about fifty inventions. I started getting suspicious when I cried over spilt milk and the cashier took it off my bill.” - Wally

  Scott Adams

  Thinking, Office, Mind

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• If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing reduce 75%.

  Scott Adams

  Drunk, Stupidity, Boss

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• In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It’s called Karoshi. I don’t want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.

  Scott Adams

  Funny, Death, Work

  Scott Adams (1996). “The Dilbert principle: a cubicle's-eye view of bosses, meetings, management fads & other workplace afflictions”

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