Robert Benchley Quotes - Page 4

Quotes about:

• The problem of what to wear while lolling about the house on a Sunday afternoon is becoming more and more acute as the fashions in lolling garments change. The American home is in danger of taking on the appearance of an Oriental bordello.

  Robert Benchley

  Fashion, Home, Sunday

  Robert Benchley (1940). “My Ten Years in a Quandary”

  6 Copy quote

• I suppose that one of the psychological principles of advertising is to so hammer the name of your product into the mind of the timid buyer that when he is confronted with a brusk demand for an order he can't think of anything else to say, whether he wants it or not.

  Robert Benchley

  Thinking, Order, Names

  4 Copy quote

• If there is a streak of ham anywhere in an actor, Shakespeare will bring it out.

  Robert Benchley

  Actors, Ham, Streaks

  4 Copy quote

• A man of forty today has nothing to worry him but falling hair, inability to button the top button, failing vision, shortness of breath, a tendency of the collar to shut off all breathing, trembling of the kidneys to whatever tune the orchestra is playing, and a general sense of giddiness when the matter of rent is brought up. Forty is Life's Golden Age.

  Robert Benchley

  Birthday, Fall, Men

  52 Copy quote

• We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born. We are constantly remarking on the fact that things are done well by people other than ourselves. "The Japanese are a remarkable little people," we say, as if we were doing them a favor. "He is an Arab, but you ought to hear him play the zither." Why "but"?

  Robert Benchley

  Play, People, Prejudice

  Robert Benchley (2016). “My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew”, p.49, Pickle Partners Publishing

  4 Copy quote

• I never knew anyone yet who got up at six who did anything more useful between that time and breakfast than banging a tennis ballup against the side of the house, waiting for the more civilized members of the party to get up.

  Robert Benchley

  Party, Sleep, House

  Robert Benchley (2010). “The Athletic Benchley: 105 Exercises from the Detroit Athletic Club News”, p.99, Glendower Media

  4 Copy quote

• If only those old walls could talk...how boring they would be.

  Robert Benchley

  Wall, Would Be, Boring

  Robert Benchley (1976). “The Treasurer's Report: And Other Aspects of Community Singing”, Amereon Limited

  4 Copy quote

• People who begin sentences with "I may be old-fashioned but--" are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong. I never thought the time would come when I should catch myself leading off with that crack. But I feel it coming on right now.

  Robert Benchley

  People, May, Cracks

  Robert Benchley (1976). “Chips Off the Old Benchley”, Amereon Limited

  4 Copy quote

• A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.

  Robert Benchley

  Real, Hangover, Trying

  Robert Benchley (2016). “My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew”, p.297, Pickle Partners Publishing

  12 Copy quote

• The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.

  Robert Benchley

  Men, Thinking, Monkeys

  My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew "Quick Quotations" (1936)

  8 Copy quote

• I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author.

  Robert Benchley

  Comedy, Patient, Hospitality

  7 Copy quote

• The way to go to the circus, however, is with someone who has seen perhaps one theatrical performance before in his life and that in the High School hall... The scales of sophistication are struck from your eyes and you see in the circus a gathering of men and women who are able to do things as a matter of course which you couldn't do if your life depended on it.

  Robert Benchley

  Eye, School, Men

  Life Magazine, April 14, 1921.

  17 Copy quote

• Work is a form of nervousness.

  Robert Benchley

  Form, Nervousness

  Robert Benchley (1951). “My ten years in a quandary and how they grew”

  4 Copy quote

• She sleeps alone at last.

  Robert Benchley

  Funny, Death, Suicide

  Quoted in Edmund Fuller, 2500 Anecdotes for All Occasions (1943)

  5 Copy quote

• I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.

  Robert Benchley

  Shining, Sitting Down, Sitting

  Quoted in Evan Esar, The Dictionary of Humorous Quotations (1949)

  5 Copy quote

• A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.

  Robert Benchley

  Fun, Men, Years

  Robert Benchley, Gluyas Williams (1949). “Chips Off the Old Benchley”, New York : Harper

  6 Copy quote

• Anyone will be glad to admit that he knows nothing about beagling, or the Chinese stock market, or ballistics, but there is not a man or woman alive who does not claim to know how to cure hiccoughs.

  Robert Benchley

  Men, Chinese, Doe

  Robert Benchley (1947). “Benchley--or else!”

  6 Copy quote

• There is probably not more than one hundred dollars in cash in circulation today. That is, if you were to call in all the bills and silver and gold in the country at noon tomorrow and pile them on the table, you would find that you had just about one hundred dollars, with perhaps several Canadian pennies and a few peppermint Life Savers.

  Robert Benchley

  Country, Money, Gold

  Robert Benchley (1922). “Love Conquers All”

  4 Copy quote

• I once heard of a murderer who propped his two victims up against a chess board in sporting attitudes and was able to get as far as Seattle before his crime was discovered.

  Robert Benchley

  Attitude, Games, Two

  Robert Benchley (2010). “The Athletic Benchley: 105 Exercises from the Detroit Athletic Club News”, p.24, Glendower Media

  4 Copy quote

• At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands.

  Robert Benchley

  Hands, Joy, Firsts

  Robert Benchley (1985). “Benchley at the Theatre: Dramatic Criticism, 1920-1940”

  8 Copy quote

• I have often wondered how they manage to get return envelopes which miss, by one-quarter of an inch, fitting the blank you are supposed to return. They say, "Please fill out and return the enclosed envelope," and the enclosed envelope is always one-quarter of an inch too small.

  Robert Benchley

  Missing, Envelopes, Return

  4 Copy quote

• In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.

  Robert Benchley

  Children, House, Curiosity

  Robert Benchley (1943). “Benchley beside himself”

  8 Copy quote

• But compared with the task of selecting a piece of French pastry held by an impatient waiter a move in chess is like reaching for a salary check in its demand on the contemplative faculties.

  Robert Benchley

  Moving, Salary, Tasks

  Robert Benchley (1976). “Chips Off the Old Benchley”, Amereon Limited

  4 Copy quote

• The Ultimate Day really begins the night before, when you sit up until one o'clock trying to get things into trunk and bags. This is when you discover the well-known fact that summer air swells articles to twice or three times their original size.

  Robert Benchley

  Summer, Night, Air

  Robert Benchley (2010). “The Athletic Benchley: 105 Exercises from the Detroit Athletic Club News”, p.43, Glendower Media

  4 Copy quote

• I once heard a woman laugh at that most tragic moment in all drama, the off-stage shot in "The Wild Duck," and I afterward had her killed, so there will be no more of that out of her.

  Robert Benchley

  Drama, Ducks, Laughing

  Robert Benchley (1932). “No Poems”

  4 Copy quote

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