PLENIPOTENTIARY, adj. Having full power. A Minister Plenipotentiary is a diplomatist possessing absolute authority on condition that he never exert it.
ENOUGH, pro. All there is in the world if you like it.
TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.
Truth is so good a thing that falsehood can not afford to be without it.
CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.
URBANITY, n. The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York. Its commonest expression is heard in the words, "I beg your pardon," and it is not consistent with disregard of the rights of others.
A lottery is a tax on stupidity.
Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.
The circus a place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.
PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
Evolutionary biology is genuinely scientific, but more than that it opens the door to a world more marvellous than any Christian fundamentalist has ever read into the pages of the Bible.
PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovided with hinges at the points of flexion. Supposed to have been invented by a humorist. Called trousers by the enlightened and pants by the unworthy.
ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . .
There are two instruments worse than a clarinet - two clarinets.
Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another.
Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
SIREN, n. One of several musical prodigies famous for a vain attempt to dissuade Odysseus from a life on the ocean wave. Figuratively, any lady of splendid promise, dissembled purpose and disappointing performance.
Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
Economy, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.
Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
Acquaintance: "A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.
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