Jon Stewart Quotes - Page 16

Quotes about:

• I'm less upset with politicians than the media. I feel like politicians, there is a certain, inherent - you know, the way I always explain it is, when you go to the zoo and a monkey throws its feces, it's a monkey. But, when the zookeeper is standing right there, and he doesn't say bad monkey... Somebody's got to be the zookeeper.

  Jon Stewart

  Zoos, Media, Upset

  "Jon Stewart: The Most Trusted Name In Fake News". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, www.npr.org. October 4, 2010.

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• People, if you can't get through the puns, I can't give you the good stuff.

  Jon Stewart

  People, Giving, Stuff

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• Democrats - always standing up for what they later realize they should have believed in.

  Jon Stewart

  Should Have, Realizing, Democrat

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• (Terrorists) are planning to disrupt our democratic process. It's scary I know, but we're not going to let al Qaeda tell us what to do. In fact, our government has decided that if al Qaeda attempts to disrupt our democratic process, we are going to respond by disrupting it first.

  Jon Stewart

  Government, Scary, Als

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• 9/11 references are like Lay's potato chips...no Congress can make just one.

  Jon Stewart

  Potato Chips, Potatoes, Congress

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• The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.

  Jon Stewart

  Cutting, Wind, Comedian

  "Jon Stewart Puts His Slant on Daily Show News" by Terry Jackson, The Charleston Gazette, jon.happyjoyfun.net. January 09, 1999.

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• We look at, the absurdity of the system provides us the most material. And that is best served by sort of the theater of it all, you know, which, by the way, thank you both, because it's been helpful.

  Jon Stewart

  Looks, Way, Helpful

  "Jon Stewart's America". "Crossfire" with Paul Begala, Tucker Carlson, transcripts.cnn.com. October 15, 2004.

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• A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.'

  Jon Stewart

  Expression, Insult To Injury, Jokes

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• Everybody thought Barack Obama was going to [inspire people] when he came to Washington, but, you know, the Senate seems like the place where smart people go to die.

  Jon Stewart

  Smart, People, Inspire

  "Mr. Obama Goes to Washington" by David Sirota, www.thenation.com. June 08, 2006.

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• The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom. That's all it is. All those media companies say, "We're going to make a killing here." You won't because it's still only as good as the content.

  Jon Stewart

  Media, World, Internet

  "Reinventing Television". Interview with Thomas Goetz, www.wired.com. September 01, 2005.

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• Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.

  Jon Stewart

  Guy, Earth, Core

  "Star-Spangled Laughs: A Conversation with Jon Stewart". Interview with Brad Thomas Parsons, www.amazon.com. 2004.

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• I'm a bit down. Liza Minelli and David Gest, I don't know how it didn't work out. How can a man who likes other men and a woman who drinks not get along? The interesting thing is this - there is no conceivable amount of money worth telling the world that you were beaten up by Liza Minelli.

  Jon Stewart

  Men, Work Out, Interesting

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• Nobody says, hey men should not drink. It's all about women must dress differently, women must walk differently, women must drink differently. Why are we not able to hold men to account for this behavior?

  Jon Stewart

  Men, Dresses, Hey

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• I kid because I'm on basic cable.

  Jon Stewart

  Kids, Cables

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• Senior year is supposed to be about being mentally done.

  Jon Stewart

  Senior, Years, Done

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• You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty!

  Jon Stewart

  Arabia, Female, Guilty

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• The blow back from the cold war is that a weakened Russia allowed Afghanistan to become a failed state, and then all this weaponry to flow into all these other conflicts. Our greatest triumph has almost fueled our most intractable battle now.

  Jon Stewart

  War, Blow, Russia

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• There is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule George W. Bush. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks. Because as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations.

  Jon Stewart

  Tired, Suffering, Needs

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• If you are a minority or an interest group, the Democrats will hold the debate at your house. Whereas Republicans take a slightly different approach: they have a big tent - you're just not allowed in it.

  Jon Stewart

  House, Groups, Different

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• Making it [St. Patrick's Day] a great day for the Irish, but just an ok day if you're looking for a quiet tavern to talk, read or have a white wine spritzer.

  Jon Stewart

  Wine, White, Great Day

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• I have the liberal dictionary right here...let's see how they define water-boarding: 'Something done by the evil troops, who we don't support, to innocent terrorists violating their rights to bomb our cities and make us get gay marriage.'

  Jon Stewart

  Gay, Rights, Cities

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• Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claims there are no homosexuals in Iran, just like there are no gay conservatives in the US.

  Jon Stewart

  Gay, Iran, President

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• When the court that handpicked you to be president tells you you've overstepped your bounds, you've overstepped your bounds.

  Jon Stewart

  President, Court, Bounds

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• We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, Gun, Iraq

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• I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

  Jon Stewart

  Night, Feet, Two

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