Evan Esar Quotes

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• America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

  Evan Esar

  Education, Money, Believe

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• Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.

  Evan Esar

  Inspirational, Motivational, Strength

  Evan Esar (1961). “Humorous English: a guide to comic usage, jocular speech and writing, and witty grammar”

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• Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

  Evan Esar

  Anger, Feelings, Mind

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• Experience is a great teacher, and sometimes a pretty teacher is a great experience.

  Evan Esar

  Education, Teacher, Teaching

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• In a democracy, you believe it or not; in a dictatorship, you believe it or else.

  Evan Esar

  Believe, Democracy, Dictatorship

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• You are not fully dressed until you wear a smile.

  Evan Esar

  Your Smile, Beautiful Smile, I Smile

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• Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.

  Evan Esar

  Family, Mother, Children

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• There are two kinds of leaders: those who are interested in the flock, and those who are interested in the fleece.

  Evan Esar

  Leadership, Two, Kind

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• Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.

  Evan Esar

  Sight, Car, Age

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• When you make your mark in the world, watch out for the envious with erasers.

  Evan Esar

  Envy, Watches, World

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• Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary.

  Evan Esar

  Art, Communication, Vocabulary

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• The trouble with the world is that laziness is seldom curable and never fatal.

  Evan Esar

  World, Laziness, Trouble

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• Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.

  Evan Esar

  Mother, Boys, Guilt

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• Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.

  Evan Esar

  Character, Personality, Lost Everything

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• The best way to spoil a good story is by sticking to the facts.

  Evan Esar

  Stories, Way, Facts

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• Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

  Evan Esar

  Science, Math, Statistics

  Esar's Comic Dictionary

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• The car was invented as a convenient place to sit out traffic jams

  Evan Esar

  Car, Jam, Traffic

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• Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

  Evan Esar

  Business, Definitions, Statistics

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• The difference between us and other people is that their money looks bigger and their troubles smaller.

  Evan Esar

  Differences, People, Looks

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• Egocentricity: The vanity that makes you wonder what people are thinking about you when they are really wondering what you are thinking about them.

  Evan Esar

  Thinking About You, Vanity, People

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• This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.

  Evan Esar

  Love Is, Hands, Age

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• There would be no population explosion if people who are trying to keep the wolf from the door wouldn't let the stork fly in through the window.

  Evan Esar

  Doors, People, Trying

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• If it required some effort to go from today to tomorrow, some people would always remain in yesterday.

  Evan Esar

  Yesterday, People, Effort

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• Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.

  Evan Esar

  Thinking, Insulting, May

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• The lazy man claims he is too heavy for light work and too light for heavy work.

  Evan Esar

  Men, Light, Lazy Man

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