The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.
[A mathematician is a] scientist who can figure out anything except such simple things as squaring the circle and trisecting an angle.
In Congress the majority governs, but the minority rules.
A home in the country is what a city man hopes to buy and a farmer hopes to sell.
Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing.
Many a wedding takes place when a man can't afford to go steady with a girl any longer.
Congress would give the people what they wanted if the people knew what they wanted, and if Congress could give it to them.
A dollar saved is a dollar earned but seldom vice versa.
Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry -- and the world laughs harder.
You can tell a man's taste in literature by his judgment in knowing what not to read.
The tongue is the only muscle in the human body that never gets tired [talking].
Somebody is always doing something that somebody else said couldn't be done.
The only thing more certain than the hatred of enemies is the envy of friends.
All work and no pay makes a housewife.
Communism is a form of government under which every citizen at election time enjoys the privilege of voting Yes.
A husband is like a fire. He goes out when unattended.
Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.
Divorce is the price people play for playing with matches.
The lecturer who is full of his subject is usually very slow in emptying himself.
The man who doctors himself with the aid of medical books, runs the risk of dying of a typographical error.
The only time a lazy man ever succeeds is when he tries to do nothing.
Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
More diets start in dress shops than in doctors' offices.
Egotist: 1. A person who is his own best friend. 2. An I specialist. 3. A man whose opinions all change, except the one he has of himself.
Reactionary: One who wants the rules enforced so nobody can take his pile away from him the way he got it from others.
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