Airline Quotes - Page 9

• In modern America, food is abundant everywhere except aboard commercial airplanes.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Humorous, Food

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• Granted, this system is insane, but we must not let sanity stand in the way of airport security.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Humorous, Food

  Dave Barry (2003). “Boogers Are My Beat: More Lies, but Some Actual Journalism”, p.182, Crown Archetype

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• The Russians will never be able to get their missiles thought the dense protective layer of delayed flights circling over the United States in complex, puke-inducing holding patterns.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Humorous, Food

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• The planes are crowded and noisy and late, and everybody hates everybody. If armed terrorists had tried to hijack any of the flights I've been on lately, we passengers would have swiftly beaten them to death with those hard rolls you get with your in-flight meals.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Hate, Humorous

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, p.127, Ballantine Books

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• Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just hand you a dinner roll you could kill a musk ox with.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Humorous, Food

  Dave Barry (1994). “The World According to Dave Barry”, Outlet

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• If Charles Lindbergh, flying with no instruments other than a bologna sandwich, managed to cross the Atlantic and land safely on a runway completely covered with French people, why are today's airplanes, which are equipped with radar and computers and individualized liquor bottles, unable to cope with fog?

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Humorous, Food

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, p.234, Ballantine Books

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• Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Humorous, Food

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• The captain has just turned on the fasten-seat-belt-sign. He didn't mean to, but the joint he was smoking fell in his lap, and when he jumped up, his head hit the switch.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Humorous, Food

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• I was told to hand over my disposable lighter, to prevent, I suppose, any threat of "Do what I say or I'll light this Marlboro and you'll all die - in thirty years due to inhalation of secondhand smoke."

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Funny, Humorous, Food

  P.J. O'Rourke (2009). “Peace Kills”, p.58, Atlantic Books Ltd

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• Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Funny, Humorous, Food

  P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.16, Atlantic Books Ltd

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• Look at airport security now. What started out as definite racial profiling is now where the computer picks a name. That's why you get a seven-month-old getting a pat down. [Imitates a security officer.] "Check the diapers. They're full."

  Robin Williams

  Funny, Humorous, Food

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• Now you can't even carry a nail clipper on a plane. Are they afraid you're going to go..."All right! Give me the plane or the b*tch loses her cuticle." ?

  Robin Williams

  Humorous, Giving, Nails

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• England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Humorous, School

  "Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need". Book by Dave Barry, 1991.

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• It is an inconvenience, being located in a city where taxes are ludicrously high, where you pay twice your annual income to rent an apartment that could easily be carried on a commercial airline flight.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, New York, Humorous

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, p.64, Ballantine Books

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• There is just no way that I can understand in God's green earth that an airline could undertake with its normal procedures the operation of the Space Shuttle. . . . You don't put parachutes on airliners because the margin of safety is built into the machine. The 727 airplanes we fly are proven vehicles with levels of safety and redundancy built in. The shuttle is a hand-made piece of experimental gear.

  Frank Borman

  Airplane, Moon, Space

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• Curiously, a principle affects your life whether you are aware of it or not. For instance, the principle of gravity was working long before the apple ever fell on Newton's head. But once it did, and he understood it, then we as a society were free to harness this principle to create, among other things, airline flight.

  Andy Andrews

  Apples, Long, Principles

  ABC NEWS Interview, abcnews.go.com.

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• Any serious airline has to look at a worldwide network.

  Vijay Mallya

  Looks, Serious

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• By 1931, after a few years' experience of flying scheduled airlines, those planes were operating at roughly 600 times the safety of the space shuttle. I look at safety not in terms of fatalities per passenger-mile, but when you get in and close the door, what is the risk of dying on this flight?

  Burt Rutan

  Doors, Years, Space

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• Carl Icahn told me to stay away from airlines. In good times, the unions take away the profits, and in bad times, the cost of oil kills you.

  Mian Muhammad Mansha

  Oil, Cost, Unions

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• What a waste of an education Rick Santorum is! ... Let's just pray that none of his home-schooled kids grow up to be an airline pilot, okay? That's all I'm asking. Please dear God, do not let any of these home-schooled kids grow up to be a surgeon, an airline pilot, or a nurse. Or somebody that's in charge of my trans-vaginal mandatory ultrasound. Seriously, no science-y things for them, you know, just religion, let them be all preachers or something.

  Randi Rhodes

  Growing Up, Kids, Home

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• You can divide airlines into two camps: expensive and cheap. But I believe that we will only distinguish between long-haul and short-haul airlines in the future.

  Stelios Haji-Ioannou

  Believe, Two, Long

  Source: www.spiegel.de

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• The painting world is awash with people who cannot paint. This is a condition that would not be tolerated in other professions such as Dentistry, Medicine, or among members of the Airline Pilot's Association.

  Robert Genn

  Medicine, People, World

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• The thing about commuting internationally is that you have to be a lawyer or an airline steward to do it successfully.

  Joan Juliet Buck

  Lawyer, Stewards, Commuting

  Source: www.interviewmagazine.com

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• The Czech ease has become my saving grace for traveling! Plus,with its light weight and small size, I save thousands of dollars every year in airline fees.

  Esperanza Spalding

  Light, Years, Grace

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• We’re in the Customer Service business—we just happen to provide airline transportation.

  Colleen Barrett

  Transportation, Service Business, Happens

  Ken Blanchard, Colleen Barrett, David Russo, David Ross, Richard Templar (2012). “Building Better Business Teams: Proven Strategies that Get the Best from Your People (Collection)”, p.89, FT Press

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