Airline Quotes - Page 8

• I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Food, Humorous

  5 Copy quote

• [Airline food] is the tiniest food I've ever seen in my entire life. Any kind of meat that you get - chicken, steak, anything - has grill marks on each side, like somehow we'll actually believe there's an open-flame grill in the front of the plane.

  Ellen DeGeneres

  Travel, Believe, Flames

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• Airport take their own commercial decisions on their ownership structure. But this must not be at the expense of exploiting airlines through higher charges

  Giovanni Bisignani

  Airports, Decision, Ownership

  7 Copy quote

• When I was younger I wanted to be an airline pilot, but that lasted for about 30 seconds.

  John Barrowman

  Pilots, Wanted, Seconds

  4 Copy quote

• Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Travel, Car

  37 Copy quote

• I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.

  Les Dawson

  Funny, Travel, Prayer

  7 Copy quote

• Here in the news media, our focus is on speed. When we get hold of some new and possibly inaccurate information, our highest priority is to get it to you, the public, before our competitors do. If the news media owned airlines, there would be a lot less concern about how many planes crashed, and a lot more concern about whose plane hit the ground first.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Media, Priorities

  Dave Barry (2003). “Boogers Are My Beat: More Lies, but Some Actual Journalism”, p.14, Crown Archetype

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• Ill book a ticket on some garbage airline. I dont wanna name an actual airline so lets make one up, lets just call it like Delta Airlines

  John Mulaney

  Book, Names, Garbage

  170 Copy quote

• With the 2001 terror attacks, airline bankruptcies, pension terminations, loss of pay, changes in work rules — we're all working harder and longer than we used to.

  Chesley Sullenberger

  Loss, Terror Attacks, Pay

  4 Copy quote

• As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window. I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, "Don't worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it's obsolete."

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Humorous, Food

  9 Copy quote

• There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Rip, Humorous

  4 Copy quote

• The Hawaiian Islands were discovered by hardy Polynesian sailors, who crossed thousands of miles of open ocean in primitive canoes, braving violent storm-tossed seas for months at a time. My family and I arrived by modern commercial aviation, which was infinitely worse.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Humorous, Ocean

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Talks Back”, p.107, Crown Archetype

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• This book is dedicated to Wilbur and Orville Wright, without whom air sickness would still be just a dream.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Dream, Humorous

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need”, p.5, Ballantine Books

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• A hundred years ago, it could take you the better part of a year to get from New York to California; whereas today, because of equipment problems at O'Hare, you can't get there at all.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, New York, Humorous

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need”, p.9, Ballantine Books

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• If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Jobs, Humorous

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need”, p.46, Ballantine Books

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• Motto of the U.S. airline industry - "We're Hoping to Have a Motto Announcement in About an Hour."

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Humorous, Food

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• Carl Icahn told me to stay away from airlines. In good times, the unions take away the profits, and in bad times, the cost of oil kills you.

  Mian Muhammad Mansha

  Oil, Cost, Unions

  5 Copy quote

• In modern America, food is abundant everywhere except aboard commercial airplanes.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Humorous, Food

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• Granted, this system is insane, but we must not let sanity stand in the way of airport security.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Humorous, Food

  Dave Barry (2003). “Boogers Are My Beat: More Lies, but Some Actual Journalism”, p.182, Crown Archetype

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• The Russians will never be able to get their missiles thought the dense protective layer of delayed flights circling over the United States in complex, puke-inducing holding patterns.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Humorous, Food

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• The planes are crowded and noisy and late, and everybody hates everybody. If armed terrorists had tried to hijack any of the flights I've been on lately, we passengers would have swiftly beaten them to death with those hard rolls you get with your in-flight meals.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Hate, Humorous

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, p.127, Ballantine Books

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• Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just hand you a dinner roll you could kill a musk ox with.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Humorous, Food

  Dave Barry (1994). “The World According to Dave Barry”, Outlet

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• If Charles Lindbergh, flying with no instruments other than a bologna sandwich, managed to cross the Atlantic and land safely on a runway completely covered with French people, why are today's airplanes, which are equipped with radar and computers and individualized liquor bottles, unable to cope with fog?

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Humorous, Food

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, p.234, Ballantine Books

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• Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Humorous, Food

  4 Copy quote

• The captain has just turned on the fasten-seat-belt-sign. He didn't mean to, but the joint he was smoking fell in his lap, and when he jumped up, his head hit the switch.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Humorous, Food

  4 Copy quote