Bars Quotes - Page 9

• I go to pick up a girl in a bar. I say will you go home with me? She says I don't know, do you have cable? I say no, but the rope should work just fine.

  Emo Philips

  Girl, Home, Rope

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• Here's why I think there's something a little odd with George Bush. Because a lot of the times when he speaks, his words don't match his face. Something is askew. You can't talk about the war with a smile on your face. He does it constantly. If you're the President, you should go We're going to talk about the war, I must have a frowny face. The only time you can smile when you're talking about the war in Iraq is when you go, Well, two Iraqis walk into a bar, hahaha.

  Lewis Black

  War, Thinking, Talking

  "Lewis Black: Red, White and Screwed". Documentary, Comedy, June 10, 2006.

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• My role models are Bettie Page and Mia Kirshner. Every day when Mia comes to work she raises the bar for us all.

  Jennifer Beals

  Role Models, Roles, Mia

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• It doesn't really exist, this Frat Pack. We run into each other on occasions and we all like each other's films, I guess, but there isn't some big funny restaurant or bar where we all hang out. At least, if there is, they haven't invited me.

  Will Ferrell

  Running, Film, Restaurants

  "The $29 million man" by Jason Solomons, www.theguardian.com. November 19, 2006.

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• I come around when you least expect me! I'm sitting at the bar when your glass is empty!

  Donald Glover

  Glasses, Sitting, Empty

  Song: Heartbeat, Album: Camp, 2011

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• For a degenerate like me, Vegas is like a walk down memory lane. Last time I went to Vegas, I went to my old coke dealer's kid's bar mitzvah.

  Artie Lange

  Memories, Kids, Vegas

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• It was easy to get a job at the Cedar Bar because people came and went, but I didn't like the atmosphere. Instead, I got a job at Cooper Union Library. I stayed at Cooper Union for seven years; it was my salvation. While I worked there, I also read books of every kind.

  Claes Oldenburg

  Jobs, Book, Years

  Source: www.interviewmagazine.com

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• New York Stat agreed to pay $12 million to settle a lawsuit filed three decades ago by inmates swept up in the bloody 1971 revolt at Attica prison. The settlement will be paid in the form of chocolate bars and packs of Newports that can be picked up in the commissary.

  Colin Quinn

  New York, Chocolate, Three

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• I wanted to be self-sufficient, I wanted to take care of myself, and I wanted to learn. I wanted to travel, I wanted to see the world and have my eyes opened. I wanted to be consistently challenged, and I knew I needed to be creative in some way. When I got my job in a bar and I could pay for my tuition and go on auditions and sometimes get jobs that I loved and pay my rent, I knew that I would be all right. That's when my dreams came true, long before the telephone rang and someone said, 'Come and meet Tom Cruise'".

  Renee Zellweger

  Dream, Jobs, Eye

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• The revolution I was starting where I thought I could yell at 200 people in a bar every night and change the world didn't quite happen.

  Doug Stanhope

  Night, People, World

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• We have no healthcare and we have all the guns in the world, it makes you think twice before you start throwing punches in a bar.

  Doug Stanhope

  Gun, Thinking, Make You Think

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• Farrell's Bar in Brooklyn had urinals so large they looked like shower stalls for Toulouse-Lautrec.

  Joe Flaherty

  Brooklyn, Toulouse, Showers

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• My dad's all I've ever had. When I was 3 and 4, my mom used to take me to bars. I understand why now - babysitters cost beer, beer and-a-half an hour.

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Dad, Beer

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

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• My parents' divorce settlement involved a bar tab.

  Christopher Titus

  Divorce, Parent, Settlement

  "Christopher Titus: Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding". Comedy, One-man Show, www.imdb.com. June 06, 2004.

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• My girlfriend loves to eat chocolate. She's always eating chocolate. And she likes to joke she's got a chocolate addiction. You know, she'd be like keep me away from those chocolate bars, I'm addicted to them. And it's really annoying. So one day I put her in the car and I drove her downtown and I pointed out a crack addict. And I said you see that honey? Why can't you be that skinny?

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Girlfriend, Addiction, Car

  "Anthony Jeselnik: The Dark Prince Of Comedy". "Ask Me Another" with Ophira Eisenberg, www.npr.org. August 14, 2014.

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• Television for a child creates such a high bar of stimulus that nothing else competes. A beautiful day is absolute crap to a kid who watches tv.

  Louis C. K.

  Beautiful, Children, Kids

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• Although I love the taste of Nutrageous bars, I am nutraged at their new, high price.

  Dana Gould

  Taste, High Prices

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• When I was 13, I was playing in the bars. I guess it's a changing world. Some things are better today, like the internet. We have different ways of reaching each other. E-mail and all that stuff is wonderful. I actually think the kids are missing out on a lot of stuff.

  Ray Parker, Jr.

  Kids, Thinking, Missing

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• When you ask a girl out and she suggest a bar, you're answer shouldn't be great, I like that bar and they'll have the Rockets game on too.

  Iliza Shlesinger

  Girl, Games, Answers

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• I don't remember much about my bar mitzvah. The only thing I remember - I killed! That's what I remembered. Nobody could follow me at my bar-mitzvah. It was over when I was done.

  Andy Kindler

  Mitzvah, Done, Remember

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• My cousin Louie, we walk into a bar, and he says, Dom, I think that waitress knows me. What do you think she knows, Louie? The fact that your belly came in four steps ahead of you?

  Dom Irrera

  Cousin, Thinking, Four

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• You're in a bar - grow up. You're drinking poison. You're trying to have sex unsafely with someone you don't know. Is secondhand smoke really the chiefest of your health concerns at this point?

  Greg Proops

  Sex, Growing Up, Drinking

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• I've done everything. Selling door-to-door fire extinguishers... In bars, I used to repair those machines that have 10 different buttons on them to spray club soda and seltzer.

  J. B. Smoove

  Fire, Doors, Buttons

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• What we need now is the greatest generation of young adults in the history of the Church. We need your whole heart and soul. In other words, it's time to raise the bar not only for missionaries but also for returned missionaries and for your entire generation.

  M. Russell Ballard

  Heart, Soul, Church

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• If something comes along that you don't like, there are a few sort of four-letter words that you can use to push it out of the sphere of discussion. If you were in a bar downtown, they might have different words, but if you're an educated person what you use are complicated words like "conspiracy theory" or "Marxist." It's a way of pushing unpleasant questions off the agenda so that we can continue in our own happy ideology.

  Noam Chomsky

  Downtown, Agendas, Four

  "Who Runs America?". Interview with Adrian Zupp, chomsky.info. April 1-8, 1999.

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