Bathroom Quotes - Page 18

• My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Night

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• I do some of my best reading while seated in the bathroom.

  Dave Barry

  Reading

  "EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Dave Barry and the Matrix of Poop". Interview with Rich Abdill, umdbathrooms.wordpress.com. April 27, 2010.

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• The fact that Gene Weingarten and I and Bathroom Inventory are now part of some kind of Matrix of Poop strongly suggests that the Pulitzer is not what it once was.

  Dave Barry

  Facts, Poop, Inventory

  "← Regents Drive Parking Garage, floor 1Guest post: Professorial Pooping Predicament → EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Dave Barry and the Matrix of Poop". Interview with Rich Abdill, umdbathrooms.wordpress.com. April 27, 2010.

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• If I'm stuck, I get up from my chair and I wash windows. Or... clean the bathroom. Or vacuum the attic. There's always something to be done.

  David Sedaris

  Vacuums, Done, Window

  Reddit AMA, www.reddit.com. October 8, 2014.

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• I always try and stay one step ahead of people, not looking like I looked like last week, so I can be as anonymous as possible and part of it is just for me. It is fun to just come up with new and bizarre colors for each area of your body and things like that, but there are some parts of it that I just keep wanting to negate myself. I hate waking up in the morning and recognizing the woman in the bathroom mirror.

  Ani DiFranco

  Morning, Fun, Hate

  "Ani DiFranco, Then and Now". Interview with Michael Mechanic, www.motherjones.com. December 13, 2010.

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• People go to Vegas, and they don't know what to do; here's what you do. You go to the casino in your hotel. On your arrival, you get $100 in quarters. Take that $100 back to your hotel room and stare at it for a long, long time. Why? Because you're never going to see them again. Then you take those quarters to the bathroom and you flush them, one by one by one. And the nice thing about that is that every so often the toilet will back up, and you'll feel like a WINNER!

  Lewis Black

  Funny, Nice, Humor

  "The White Album". Comedy album, 2000.

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• I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: "Have you a good memory for faces?" I asked why and she said: "Because there isn't a mirror up there."

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Memories, Humor

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• I remember one time I went to a party and I had to interview Reese Witherspoon. She was just in this movie "Freeway," it's like 1996. To prepare for the interview I went to meet her at this release party, and I end up getting in this fist fight with a guy. I'm not much of a fighter but I get in this fight and the press was all there and they saw me, and all of a sudden the next day in the paper was 'Simon Rex and his posse get in scuffle, and Simon crashes a bottle over a guy's head after smoking crack in the bathroom.' I saved the article forever.

  Simon Rex

  Party, Fighting, Next Day

  "From 'Dirt Nasty' To Rex: An Uncensored Interview With Celeb-Skewering Simon Rex". Interview with Steve Krakauer, www.mediaite.com. July 13, 2009.

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• I plead guilty to that when I was young pastor. In one of my churches I changed so much, one old wag said I'd changed everything in the church except the signs on the bathroom doors! I could have used a little more wisdom. And common sense.

  Jerry Vines

  Doors, Common Sense, Church

  Source: sbctoday.com

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• You have a different relationship to your own personal material than you do to other people's. When you go to the bathroom, you're not horrified and shocked. But if you walked in and found someone one else had just been, you probably would be. Your own relationship to these things is slightly different.

  Marc Quinn

  Found Someone, People, Different

  Source: www.artdesigncafe.com

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• I moved into the garage at my mom's house, she wouldn't let me into the house, and the garage didn't have any running water. It did have electricity though, but it didn't have any running water, no bathroom. But, you know, it was great for me because I had my books there.

  Luis J. Rodriguez

  Mom, Running, Book

  Source: bluemesareview.org

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• After about 25 fights you don't always have to keep going to the bathroom before the fight.

  Lennox Lewis

  Fighting, Keep Going

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• I'm in love with this country called "America." I'm a huge fan of America. I'm one of those annoying fans - you know, the ones that read the cd notes and follow you into bathrooms and ask you all kinds of annoying questions about why you didn't live up to that. I'm that kind of fan. I've read the Declaration of Independence, and I've read the Constitution of the United States, and they are some liner notes, dude.

  Edward de Bono

  Country, Cds, America

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• Rip Van Winkle, who said, Don't make the bed; I'm just going to the bathroom. Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Rip, Bed, Dinner

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• If I had to pick one artist to tile my bathroom I would go with MC Escher.

  Demetri Martin

  Artist, Tiles, Escher

  Twitter post from Jan 10, 2013

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• They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Home, Night, Men

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.37, Zondervan

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• What have we got here in America that we believe we cannot live without? We have the most varied and imaginative bathrooms in the world, we have kitchens with the most gimmicks, we have houses with every possible electrical gadget to save ourselves all kinds of trouble - all so that we can have leisure. Leisure, leisure, leisure! So that we don't go mad in the leisure, we have color TV. So that there will never, never, be a moment of silence, we have radio and Muzak. We can't stand silence, because silence includes thinking. And if we thought, we would have to face ourselves.

  Agnes de Mille

  Believe, Thinking, Color

  Agnes De Mille (1980). “America dances”, Macmillan Pub Co

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• (I have) a wide stance when going to the bathroom.

  Larry Craig

  Stance, Wide

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• I can't go to the cinema. I go to the bathroom in a petrol station and people come in there for autographs. It's tough but I knew that was going to be the case.

  Lewis Hamilton

  People, Cinema, Tough

  "Can you still be the boy next door and live in a Swiss tax haven?" by Hannah Pool, www.theguardian.com. October 30, 2007.

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• I remember the first guy who offered me a joint in the bathroom. I said 'No, man, I've got enough problems.'

  Steven Tyler

  Men, Guy, Joints

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• Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Space, Parks, Illegal

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• I don't think it's man's function to write. I don't think it's a normal thing like teeth-brushing and going to the bathroom. It's a supered position on the animal.

  Rod Serling

  Writing, Animal, Men

  Source: www.rodserling.com

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• Yeah, in every film that I've been lucky enough to do with Tim, there's always some form of torture, and the nails were Tim's idea. They were the length of the fingers and stuff, but it was okay because I had a troop of people who would help me go to the bathroom. They had to have treatment afterwards but they're okay now. That is true.

  Johnny Depp

  Ideas, People, Nails

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• The dining room is a building; the bathroom is a building. If we scatter this single-program architecture inside of a domestic environment, we can link an interior urbanism in a way similar to a village or a township of tiny houses.

  Jimenez Lai

  House, Way, Rooms

  Source: www.guernicamag.com

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• Back when I was very small, and we had this bathroom with these sort of paneled mirrors on the side. And I would just sit there - because it was the only warm room in the house. And I would - if I was in a bad place - I would go to my imaginary place with these mirrors, and create this entire other world to sort of help level out what I was dealing with.

  Sandra Bullock

  Mirrors, Other Worlds, House

  "An Election's High Stakes: Sandra Bullock On 'Our Brand Is Crisis'". www.wbur.org. October 31, 2015.

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