Bathroom Quotes - Page 13

• I wish I had thrown out the bathroom scale at age 16. Weighing yourself every morning is like waking up and asking Dick Cheney to validate your sense of inner worth.

  Anne Lamott

  Morning, Wish, Age

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• It's funny how certain objects convey a message - my washer and dryer, for example. They can't speak, of course, but whenever I pass them they remind me that I'm doing fairly well. "No more laundromat for you," they hum. My stove, a downer, tells me every day that I can't cook, and before I can defend myself my scale jumps in, shouting from the bathroom, "Well, he must be doing _something - _my numbers is off the charts." The skeleton has a much more limited vocabulary, and says only one thing: "You are going to die."

  David Sedaris

  Vocabulary, Skeletons, Numbers

  "Memento Mori". www.newyorker.com. May 8, 2006.

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• normal person's weekly chore list: 1. clean kitchen. 2. clean bathroom. 3. clean entire rest of domicile. cleaning impaired person's weekly chore list: 1. don't get peanut butter on sheets.

  Dave Barry

  Kitchen, Peanut Butter, Lists

  Dave Barry (2001). “All the Dave Barry you could ever want: four classic books in one from America's foremost humorist”

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• I do have a fantasy life in which I can grout bathrooms - but not for a living.

  Will Self

  Fantasy, Fantasy Life, I Can

  "My Other Life: Will Self" by Will Self, www.theguardian.com. October 31, 2009.

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• What is it with girls?” Elliot said, splitting a smile between us. “I swear, I’ve never known a girl who could go to the bathroom alone.” He leaned forward and grinned conspiratorially. “Let me in on the secret. Seriously. I’ll pay you five bucks each.” He reached for his back pocket. “Ten, if I can come along and see what the big deal is.

  Becca Fitzpatrick

  Girl, Secret, Pockets

  Becca Fitzpatrick (2012). “Hush, Hush”, p.174, Simon and Schuster

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• Of course, sweetie," his mom said. "We'll be here all day. You just come down whenever you want and we love you and you're so so special, Colin, and you can't possibly let this girl make you think otherwise because you are the most magnificent, brilliant boy-" And right then, the most special, magnificent, brilliant boy bolted into his bathroom and puked his guts out. An explosion, sort of.

  John Green

  Girl, Mom, Love You

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• I took a wrong turn on the way to the bathroom and found myself in a beautifully proportioned room I had never seen before, containing a really rather magnificent collection of chamberpots. When I went back to investigate more closely, I discovered that the room had vanished. But I must keep an eye out for it. Possibly it is only accessible at five thirty in the morning. Or it may only appear at the quarter moon - or when the seeker has an exceptionally full bladder.

  J. K. Rowling

  Morning, Eye, Moon

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• I suppose I had my rock star fantasies while I was singing into my hairbrush in the bathroom mirror, but I never really consciously said, 'OK, this is what I'm going to do for a living and I'm going to be Weird Al.'

  Al Yankovic

  Stars, Mirrors, Rocks

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• What are you doing in there, waxing your mustache?” Iggy yelled, pounding on the bathroom door. I yanked the door open and pushed him backward hard, making him stagger. “I don’t have a mustache, you idiot!” Iggy giggled and put his arms up to protect himself in case I punched him. “And you know what?” I added. “You don’t have one either. Well, maybe in a couple years. You can always hope.” I left him in the hallway, anxiously fingering his upper lip.

  James Patterson

  Couple, Doors, Years

  James Patterson (2008). “Maximum Ride: The Final Warning”, p.27, Random House

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• Ignoring fame was my rebellion, in a funny way. I was insistent on being normal and doing normal things. It probably wasn't advisable to go to college in America and room with a complete stranger. And it probably wasn't wise to share a bathroom with eight other people in a coed dorm. Looking back, that was crazy.

  Emma Watson

  Wise, Crazy, College

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• My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out.

  Robert Carlyle

  Artist, Wife, Trying

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I had a hard time with bullying. I ate lunch in the bathroom.

  Julianne Hough

  Bullying, Hard Times, Lunch

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I was depressed as a child. I found it hard to make friends. My favourite thing was locking myself in the bathroom and practising comedy routines.

  David Walliams

  Children, Comedy, Favourite

  "Walliams on love, sexuality and loneliness" by David Smith, www.theguardian.com. February 21, 2009.

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• I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue!

  Carrie Underwood

  Sleep, Light, Wake Up

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• I've been singing Shakira songs in front of my bathroom mirror into my hairbrush forever. It's like a daily routine.

  Taylor Swift

  Song, Mirrors, Forever

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• As a kid, I'd go into the bathroom when I was having a tantrum. I'd be in the bathroom crying, studying myself in the mirror. I was preparing for future roles.

  Adam Sandler

  Kids, Mirrors, Roles

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• In 2009, I traveled to South Sudan with my organization PSI. While there, I visited a local school and met with a group of children who had formed a water club. The group learned about how to treat their drinking water and use proper hygiene practices, such as washing their hands before eating or after going to the bathroom.

  Mandy Moore

  Children, Drinking, School

  "Remembering the Forgotten Killer" by Mandy Moore, www.huffingtonpost.com. November 11, 2011.

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• I don't think having separate bathrooms is a key to a successful marriage, if you love one another.

  Ewan McGregor

  Successful, Thinking, Keys

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• The house became full of love. Aureliano expressed it in poetry that had no beginning and no end. He would write it on the harsh pieces of parchment that Melquiades gave him, on the bathroom walls, on the skin of his arms, and in all of it Remedios would appear transfigured: Remedios in the soporific air of two in the afternoon, Remedios in the soft breath of the roses, Remedios in the water-clock secrets of the moths, Remedios in the steaming morning bread, Remedios everywhere and Remedios forever.

  Gabriel Garcia Marquez

  Morning, Wall, Writing

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• Sisters annoy, interfere, criticize. Indulge in monumental sulks, in huffs, in snide remarks. Borrow. Break. Monopolize the bathroom. Are always underfoot. But if catastrophe should strike, sisters are there. Defending you against all comers.

  Pam Brown

  Sister, Sibling, Indulge In

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• I guess I'm not that metrosexual. My bathroom cabinet is hardly overflowing with products. I only really have my stuff for shaving. I can't honestly say I moisturise, though I probably should.

  Clive Owen

  Shaving, Stuff, Cabinets

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• We have the whitest kitchens and the most shining bathrooms in the world. But in the lovely white kitchen the average [person] can’t produce a meal fit to eat, and the lovely shining bathroom is mostly a receptacle for deodorants, laxatives, sleeping pills, and the products of that confidence racket called the cosmetic industry. We make the finest packages in the world, Mr Marlowe. The stuff inside is mostly junk." —

  Raymond Chandler

  Sleep, White, Average

  Raymond Chandler (2002). “The Lady in the Lake: The Little Sister ; The Long Goodbye ; Playback”, Everyman's Library

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• I never meant to be a sexual object for anyone but my husband. I never thought a picture of my body would be tacked up in men’s bathrooms. I hate men looking at me and thinking what they think. And I know what they think. They write and tell me.

  Lynda Carter

  Husband, Hate, Writing

  "Lynda Carter’s Wonder Woman Costume Is Still Badass" by Dana Oliver, www.huffingtonpost.com. July 24, 2013.

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• She was standing in the airport of Copenhagen, staring at a doorway, trying to figure out if it was (a) a bathroom and (b) what kind of bathroom it was. The door merely said H. Was she an H? Was H "hers"? It could just as easily be "his". Or "Helicopter Room: Not a Bathroom at All

  Maureen Johnson

  Airports, Doors, Trying

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• But Jude,' she would say, 'you knew me. All those days and years, Jude, you knew me. My ways and my hands and how my stomach folded and how we tried to get Mickey to nurse and how about that time when the landlord said...but you said...and I cried, Jude. You knew me and had listened to the things I said in the night, and heard me in the bathroom and laughed at my raggedy girdle and I laughed too because I knew you too, Jude. So how could you leave me when you knew me?

  Toni Morrison

  Night, Hands, Years

  Toni Morrison (1973). “Sula: a Novel”

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