Funny Father Quotes

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  The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

  Theodore Hesburgh

  Love, Inspirational, Funny

  232 Copy quote

• A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his father.

  Gabriel Garcia Marquez

  Fathers Day, Dad, Men

  FaceBook post by Gabriel García Márquez from Jun 15, 2014

  38 Copy quote

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  My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, 'You're tearing up the grass'; 'We're not raising grass,' Dad would reply. 'We're raising boys.'

  Harmon Killebrew

  Family, Fathers Day, Mother

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  120 Copy quote

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• My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.

  Clarence Budington Kelland

  Life, Fathers Day, Children

  80 Copy quote

• A father carries pictures where his money used to be.

  Steve Martin

  Fathers Day, Baby, Dad

  39 Copy quote

• One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.

  George Herbert

  Relationship, Daughter, Fathers Day

  George Herbert (1836). “The works of George Herbert. containing Parentalia, the 2nd copy wanting the 1st sheet of vol.2].”, p.168

  27 Copy quote

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• It is a wise father that knows his own child.

  William Shakespeare

  Family, Wise, Meaningful

  'The Merchant of Venice' (1596-8) act 2, sc. 2, l. [83]

  105 Copy quote

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• Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

  Ray Romano

  Funny, Fathers Day, Children

  66 Copy quote

• Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

  Robert Orben

  Family, Fathers Day, Mother

  Robert Orben (2012). “2500 Jokes to Start 'Em Laughing”, p.108, Doubleday

  8 Copy quote

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• The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.

  Timothy J. Russert

  Family, Fathers Day, Dad

  18 Copy quote

• If the relationship of father to son could really be reduced to biology, the whole earth would blaze with the glory of fathers and sons.

  James A. Baldwin

  Fathers Day, Son, Earth

  82 Copy quote

• Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.

  Jon Stewart

  Fathers Day, Dad, Father Son

  "Late Night with Conan O'Brien", January 29, 2009.

  20 Copy quote

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  My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.

  Jim Valvano

  Inspirational, Basketball, Daughter

  154 Copy quote

• When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

  Mark Twain

  Love, Funny, Motivational

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.121, Courier Corporation

  87 Copy quote

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• Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

  90 Copy quote

• If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

  45 Copy quote

• To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

  Ernest Hemingway (2008). “The Good Life According to Hemingway”, Ecco

  7 Copy quote

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• My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

  Bob Monkhouse

  Funny, Father, Humor

  18 Copy quote

• There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Fathers Day, Song, Children

  FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from May 09, 2012

  26 Copy quote

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• My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Dad, Father

  47 Copy quote

• The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.

  Bertrand Russell

  Funny, Family, Dad

  Bertrand Russell (1957). “Why I Am Not a Christian: And Other Essays on Religion and Related Subjects”, p.158, Simon and Schuster

  6 Copy quote

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• My daughter got me a 'World's Best Dad' mug. So we know she's sarcastic.

  Bob Odenkirk

  Sarcastic, Daughter, Dad

  51 Copy quote

• The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them.

  Confucius

  Fathers Day, Dad, Children

  37 Copy quote

• I found out that I'm a pretty bad father. I make a lot of mistakes and I don't know what I'm doing. But my kids love me. Go figure.

  Louis C. K.

  Fathers Day, Dad, Mistake

  10 Copy quote

• You know, fathers just have a way of putting everything together.

  Erika Cosby

  Family, Fathers Day, Dad

  45 Copy quote