I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.
Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.
God is a great humorist. He just has a slow audience to work with.
I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor.....Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you-I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
It is hard to get mad at Donald Trump for saying stupid things, in the same way you don't get mad at a monkey when he throws poop at you at the zoo... What does get me angry is the ridiculous, disingenuous defending of the poop-throwing monkey.
We should make the poor uncomfortable and kick them out of poverty.
The man who offers an insult writes it in sand, but for the man who receives it, it's chiseled in bronze.
America cannot have an empire abroad and a Republic at home.
If you don't count some of Jehovah's injunctions, there are no humorists in the Bible.
Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs.
It is your human environment that makes climate
The funniest things are the forbidden.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
That's the difference between governments and individuals. Governments don't care, individuals do.
Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.
Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before.
Life isn't something you possess. It's something you take part in, and you witness.
A religion that comes of thought, and study, and deliberate conviction, sticks best. The revivalized convert who is scared in the direction of heaven because he sees hell yawn suddenly behind him, not only regains confidence when his scare is over, but is ashamed of himself for being scared, and often becomes more hopelessly and malignantly wicked than he was before.
Humor is, I think, the subtlest and chanciest of literary forms. It is surely not accidental that there are a thousand novelists, essayists, poets or journalists for each humorist. It is a long, long time between James Thurbers.
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
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