I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool.
I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
I play golf with friends sometimes, but there are never friendly games.
Golf seems to me an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dogs out.
I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course.
Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.
I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par.
If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out.
My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.
After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.
These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.
They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. It's more complicated than that.
Swing hard in case you hit it.
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.
Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best.
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.
I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
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