Modern Life Quotes - Page 7

• You're getting old when you see a girl who looks like someone you used to know, and it turns out to be her daughter.

  Mike Connolly

  Girl, Daughter, Looks

  4 Copy quote

• Made by General Motors, on order from Sears Roebuck.

  Richard Condon

  Order, Made, General Motors

  4 Copy quote

• Football season: The only time of the year when a man can walk down the street with a blond on one arm and a blanket on the other without encountering raised eyebrows.

  Bennett Cerf

  Football, Men, Years

  14 Copy quote

• What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?

  Johnny Carson

  Character, Plutonium, Dangerous

  18 Copy quote

• They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.

  Johnny Carson

  Hurt, Hockey, Answers

  5 Copy quote

• The Beatles are not merely awful. I would consider it sacrilegious to say anything less than that they are godawful.

  William F. Buckley, Jr.

  Say Anything, Awful, Sacrilegious

  William F. Buckley, Jr. (2016). “A Torch Kept Lit: Great Lives of the Twentieth Century”, p.129, Crown Forum

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• Those who give up cigarette smoking aren't the heroes. The real heroes are the rest of us - who have to listen to them.

  Hal Boyle

  Giving Up, Real, Hero

  4 Copy quote

• This congestion in the post offices is due to what are technically known as "regulations" but what are really a series of acrostics and anagrams devised by some officials who got around a table one night and tried to be funny.

  Robert Benchley

  Night, Office, Tables

  Robert Benchley (1970). “Benchley Lost and Found: 39 Prodigal Pieces”, p.33, Courier Corporation

  5 Copy quote

  Show source

• It must be a source of great chagrin to those in charge to think of so many people being able to stick a stamp on a letter and drop it in a mail box without any trouble or suffering at all. They are probably working on a system this very minute, trying to devise some way in which the public can be made to fill out a blank, stand in line, consult some underling who will refer him to a superior, and then be made to black up with burned cork before they can mail a letter.

  Robert Benchley

  Thinking, People, Suffering

  4 Copy quote

• Traveling with children corresponds roughly to traveling third class in Bulgaria.

  Robert Benchley

  Children, Class, Bulgaria

  Robert Benchley (2010). “The Athletic Benchley: 105 Exercises from the Detroit Athletic Club News”, p.25, Glendower Media

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• My program is to leave the fools to nature. She has diseases with which to deal with them.

  Bruce Barton

  Disease, Fool, Program

  5 Copy quote

• A $10 million windfall? At today's prices, I'd feel almost as rich as I did one day in 1936 when I found a dime on the sidewalk and blew the whole wad on 20 Mary Jane candy bars, a box of jujubes, and a double feature.

  Russell Baker

  One Day, Dimes, Bars

  4 Copy quote

• We can't test these absolute limits on humans. We can't blast them with sound. However, we can do that to animals because they don't have the same political base that we do.

  John Baird

  Animal, Political, Sound

  4 Copy quote

• We [Americans] are game-playing, fun-loving creatures; we are the otters of the universe.

  Richard Bach

  Fun, Games, Otters

  47 Copy quote

• Although we will hate and fight the machines, we will be supplanted anyway, and rightly so, for the intelligent machines to which we will give birth may, better than we, carry on the striving toward the goal of understanding and using the Universe, climbing to heights we ourselves could never aspire to.

  Isaac Asimov

  Hate, Fighting, Intelligent

  Isaac Asimov (1987). “Past, Present, and Future”

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• If beer got any lighter you could raise goldfish in it.

  Jerry Adler

  Beer, Goldfish, Raises

  16 Copy quote

• The American civil space program is growing to maturity. It has passed through the joys and crises of precocious childhood and now is being called upon to do grown-up things, like earn a living and establish permanent roots in space.

  John Noble Wilford

  Maturity, Roots, Space

  4 Copy quote

• There was an old Woman who lived in a shoe She had so many children Her government subsidy check came to $4,892.

  Sam Levenson

  Children, Shoes, Government

  Sam Levenson (2016). “You Don't Have to Be in Who's Who to Know What's What: The Choice Wit and Wisdom of Sam Levenson”, p.150, Open Road Media

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• My God, the suburbs! They encircled the city's boundaries like enemy territory and we thought of them as a loss of privacy, a cesspool of conformity and a life of indescribable dreariness in some split-level village where the place name appeared in the New York Times only when some bored housewife blew off her head with a shotgun.

  John Cheever

  New York, Loss, Cities

  John Cheever, Blake Bailey (2009). “John Cheever: Collected Stories and Other Writings”

  5 Copy quote

  Show source

• Note that both of these papers [the New York Post and the New York Daily News] are big sellers in a city whose residents like to go around saying they'd never live anyplace else on account of they'd miss the opera.

  Dave Barry

  New York, Cities, Missing

  4 Copy quote

• I love to watch those old movies on late-night television, particularly when a couple get up from a champagne dinner in a posh restaurant and the hero hands the waiter $3. But the best part is when he says, "Keep the change."

  Robert Orben

  Couple, Hero, Night

  5 Copy quote

• Now scarcely a week goes by without a news story about the cops swooping down on some adolescent prowler who is as skilled at breaking into computer systems as defense contractors are at breaking into the Federal budget.

  Russell Baker

  News Stories, Defense, Computer

  4 Copy quote

• Progress is a continuing effort to make the things we eat, drink, and wear as good as they used to be.

  Bill Vaughan

  Funny, Humor, Effort

  4 Copy quote

• Singles hitters drive Fords. Home-run hitters drive Cadillacs.

  Pete Rose

  Running, Home, Cadillacs

  25 Copy quote

• Let's face it, though, anything that's apt to happen to an appliance like a blender isn't covered by the warranty anyway, so I never send them in. If it breaks, I'll buy a new one. That's the American way.

  Andy Rooney

  Way, Faces, Break

  7 Copy quote