Retirement Humor Quotes

When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you.

Gene Perret

Retirement, Boss, Age

7 Copy quote
You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.

Germaine Greer

Life, Happy Birthday, Happiness

262 Copy quote
The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income.

George Foreman

Sports, Retirement, Boxing

25 Copy quote
Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can't retire his experience. He must use it. Experience achieves more with less energy and time.

Bernard Baruch

Teacher, Retirement, Numbers

24 Copy quote
If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

Dean Martin

Retirement, Drinking, Book

"Famous drinkers" by Rob Parker, www.theguardian.com. April 18, 2004.

141 Copy quote

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Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf.

Gene Perret

Inspirational, Retirement, Stress

21 Copy quote
The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.

Abe Lemons

Retirement, Days Off, Trouble

27 Copy quote
I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day.

Gene Perret

Success, Retirement, Age

8 Copy quote
As in all successful ventures, the foundation of a good retirement is planning.

Earl Nightingale

Inspirational, Retirement, Successful

13 Copy quote
When some people retire, it's going to be mighty hard to be able to tell the difference.

Virginia Graham

Teacher, Retirement, Teaching

6 Copy quote
In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day. It's either that or buy a new golf ball.

Gene Perret

Teacher, Retirement, Golf

7 Copy quote
Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.

Jonathan Clements

Running, Retirement, Vacation

15 Copy quote
I'm now as free as the breeze - with roughly the same income.

Gene Perret

Teacher, Retirement, Income

6 Copy quote
When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.

R. C. Sherriff

Retirement, Work, Age

45 Copy quote
Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

George Burns

Retirement, Business, Aging

George Burns (1986). “Dr. Burns' Prescription for happiness”, G K Hall & Co

6 Copy quote

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A man can't retire his experience.

Bernard Baruch

Retirement, Experience, Ciphers

14 Copy quote
A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job.

Ella Harris

Retirement, Jobs, Husband

7 Copy quote
Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.

Gene Perret

Teacher, Retirement, Nice

11 Copy quote
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

Laurence J. Peter

Retirement, Fun, Age

9 Copy quote
When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.

Chi Chi Rodriguez

Retirement, Husband, Wife

19 Copy quote
There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!

Groucho Marx

Retirement, Work, Age

"Fictional character: Captain Jeffrey Spaulding". "Animal Crackers", August 20, 1930.

8 Copy quote

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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

George Burns

Funny, Hilarious, Retirement

"Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

146 Copy quote

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Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

George Burns

Funny, Teacher, Witty

70 Copy quote
Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not.

Richard Armour

Teacher, Retirement, Tired

Richard Armour (1976). “Going Like Sixty: A Lighthearted Look at the Later Years”

11 Copy quote

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The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.

Vince Lombardi

Inspirational, Motivational, Basketball

Vince Lombardi (2012). “What it Takes to be Number One”, p.70, Thomas Nelson Inc

75 Copy quote

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