Retirement Humor Quotes

• When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you.

  Gene Perret

  Retirement, Boss, Age

  4 Copy quote

• The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.

  Abe Lemons

  Retirement, Days Off, Trouble

  23 Copy quote

• There's an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job.

  Peter Drucker

  Retirement, Jobs, Business

  4 Copy quote

• The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income.

  George Foreman

  Sports, Retirement, Boxing

  22 Copy quote

• You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

  Joan Rivers

  Retirement, Fun, Aging

  5 Copy quote

• If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

  Doug Larson

  Funny, Witty, Retirement

  37 Copy quote

• There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!

  Groucho Marx

  Retirement, Work, Age

  "Fictional character: Captain Jeffrey Spaulding". "Animal Crackers", August 20, 1930.

  5 Copy quote

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• When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.

  Chi Chi Rodriguez

  Retirement, Husband, Wife

  16 Copy quote

• Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.

  Jonathan Clements

  Running, Retirement, Vacation

  12 Copy quote

• When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.

  R. C. Sherriff

  Retirement, Work, Age

  42 Copy quote

• Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Life, Wisdom

  Letter in New York Times 29 Apr. 1930

  55 Copy quote

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• Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at the appropriate time.

  Malcolm Muggeridge

  Retirement, Age, Able

  Malcolm Muggeridge (1966). “Tread softly, for you tread on my jokes”

  31 Copy quote

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• You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.

  Germaine Greer

  Life, Happy Birthday, Happiness

  250 Copy quote

• Preparation for old age should begin not later than one's teens. A life which is empty of purpose until 65 will not suddenly become filled on retirement.

  Dwight L. Moody

  Death, Senior, Retirement

  20 Copy quote

• Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not.

  Richard Armour

  Teacher, Retirement, Tired

  Richard Armour (1976). “Going Like Sixty: A Lighthearted Look at the Later Years”

  8 Copy quote

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• If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

  Dean Martin

  Retirement, Drinking, Book

  "Famous drinkers" by Rob Parker, www.theguardian.com. April 18, 2004.

  137 Copy quote

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• The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.

  Vince Lombardi

  Inspirational, Motivational, Basketball

  Vince Lombardi (2012). “What it Takes to be Number One”, p.70, Thomas Nelson Inc

  66 Copy quote

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• Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can't retire his experience. He must use it. Experience achieves more with less energy and time.

  Bernard Baruch

  Teacher, Retirement, Numbers

  20 Copy quote
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  You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

  George Burns

  Funny, Hilarious, Retirement

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  140 Copy quote

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• Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

  George Burns

  Funny, Teacher, Witty

  66 Copy quote

• When some people retire, it's going to be mighty hard to be able to tell the difference.

  Virginia Graham

  Teacher, Retirement, Teaching

  3 Copy quote

• In retirement, only money and symptoms are consequential.

  Mason Cooley

  Teacher, Retirement, Teaching

  4 Copy quote

• A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job.

  Ella Harris

  Retirement, Jobs, Husband

  4 Copy quote

• In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day. It's either that or buy a new golf ball.

  Gene Perret

  Teacher, Retirement, Golf

  4 Copy quote

• Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

  George Burns

  Retirement, Business, Aging

  George Burns (1986). “Dr. Burns' Prescription for happiness”, G K Hall & Co

  3 Copy quote

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