Toilets Quotes - Page 13

• Harry looked at Bellman. He could not help but admire him. The way you admire a cockroach you flush down the toilet and it comes creeping back again and again and in the end it inherits the world.

  Jo Nesbo

  Cockroaches, World, Way

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• I could be worse, you know." "How?" I asked, teasing. "I mean, I have a work of calligraphy over my toilet that reads, 'Bathe yourself in the comfort of God's words,' Hazel. I could be way worse." "Sounds unsanitary," I said.

  John Green

  Mean, Sound, Comfort

  John Green (2012). “The Fault in Our Stars”, p.169, Penguin

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• When I was little, my friends would gush over wedding gowns and honeymoons. But I saw too many people flush decades together down the toilet over money or kids or meaningless flings. My own parents chose to stay married, which I think is rather funny, since they show about as much affection for each other as pit bulls in a ring. Tying the knot means slipping a noose around love and choking it to death.

  Ellen Hopkins

  Mean, Kids, Thinking

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• You notice how they always put the fruit and veg at the entrance to the supermarket? You go in thinking 'this is a fresh shop, everything in here is FRESH! I will do well to shop here'. You never go straight to the bit with the toilet paper, loo brushes and such do you? You'd think 'this is a POO shop! Everything in here is themed on POO!

  Eddie Izzard

  Thinking, Paper, Fruit

  "Eddie Izzard: Definite Article ", www.imdb.com. 1996.

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• Maybe I've moved to the dark side, but it's clean and nice and we never run out of toilet paper.

  Jen Lancaster

  Running, Nice, Dark

  Jen Lancaster (2012). “Jeneration X: One Reluctant Adult's Attempt to Unarrest Her Arrested Development; Or, Why It's Never Too Late for Her Dumb Ass to Learn Why Froot Loops Are Not for Dinner”, p.13, Penguin

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• Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a toilet seat.

  J. D. Salinger

  Guy, Toilet Seat, Sensitive

  J. D. SALINGER (1951). “THE CATCHER IN THE RYE”

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• We are at Jesus' disposal. If he wants you to be sick in bed, if he wants you to proclaim His work in the street, if he wants you to clean the toilets all day, that's all right, everything is all right. We must say, "I belong to you. You can do whatever you like." And this ..is our strength, and this is the joy of the Lord.

  Mother Teresa

  Jesus, Sick, Joy

  Mother Teresa (2001). “Mother Teresa: Essential Writings”

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• Well, I don't use the toilet much to pee in. I almost always pee in the yard or the garden, because I like to pee on my estate.

  Iggy Pop

  Garden, Yards, Use

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• NASA asked me to create meals for the space shuttle. Thai chicken was the favorite. I flew in a fake space shuttle, but I have no desire to go into space after seeing the toilet.

  Rachael Ray

  Space, Fake, Desire

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• I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book.

  Don Rickles

  Book, Writing, Tired

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• Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Fall, Humor

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• I did an internship at the Ardent theatre company in Philly after dropping out of college. I was earning $165 a week building sets and cleaning the toilets. Cleaning toilets is a good way of getting in touch with your creativity. That's when you find out if you got anything going on in your head.

  Jill Scott

  Creativity, College, Theatre

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• I wondered if the fire had been out to get me. I wondered if all fire was related, like Dad said all humans were related, if the fire that had burned me that day while I cooked hot dogs was somehow connected o the fire I had flushed down the toilet and the fire burning at the hotel. I didn't have the answers to those questions, but what I did know was that I lived in a world that at any moment could erupt into fire. It was the sort of knowledge that kept you on your toes.

  Jeannette Walls

  Dog, Dad, Fire

  Jeannette Walls (2009). “The Glass Castle: A Memoir”, p.34, Simon and Schuster

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• So one time when I was working in this motel one of the toilets leaked and I had to replace the flapper ball. Here's what it said on the package; I kept it till I knew it by heart: 'Please Note. Parts are included for all installations, but no installation requires all of the parts.' That's kind of my philosophy about men. I don't think there's an installation out there that could use all my parts.

  Barbara Kingsolver

  Philosophy, Heart, Men

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• Do you have someone watching her house?” (Stephanie) “That kind of surveillance only happens in the movies. We’re so underbudgeted we’re one step away from holding bake sales to pay for toilet paper. (Morelli)

  Janet Evanovich

  House, Paper, Pay

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• No, thanks," said Harry. "The toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it— it might be sick." Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said.

  J. K. Rowling

  Work Out, Sick, Might

  J.K. Rowling (2015). “Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone”, p.33, Pottermore

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• Teddy said it was a hat, So I put it on. Now dad is saying, "where the heck's the toilet plunger gone?

  Shel Silverstein

  Dad, Gone, Hats

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• It's a stark thought that when we die most of us will leave behind uneaten biscuits, unused coffee, half toilet rolls, half cartons of milk in the fridge to go sour; that everyday functional things will outlive us and prove that we weren't ready to go; that we weren't smart or knowing or heroic; that we were just animals whose animal bodies stopped working without any sort of schedule or any consent from us.

  Steven Hall

  Smart, Coffee, Animal

  Steven Hall (2005). “The Raw Shark Texts”, p.18, Canongate Books

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• I had made this mistake once before, on a school trip to the Victoria and Albert Museum, when I followed a sign marked WOMEN, thinking it was an exhibition on the changing roles of women in society, and actually ended up standing in the ladies' toilets.

  David Nicholls

  Mistake, School, Thinking

  David Nicholls (2008). “Starter for Ten: A Novel”, p.42, Villard

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• All that matters to me is the man in front of me right now. (Tory) I’m not a man, Soteria. (Acheron) I know. But if you think your godhood excuses you from putting the toilet seat down, think again. (Tory)

  Sherrilyn Kenyon

  Men, Thinking, Excuse You

  Sherrilyn Kenyon (2008). “Acheron: A Dark-Hunter Novel”, p.698, Macmillan

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• Carter pulled out several lengths of brown twine, a small ebony cat statue, and a thick roll of paper. No, not paper. Papyrus. I remember Dad explaining how the Egyptians made it from a river plant because they never invented paper. The stuff was so thick and rough, it made me wonder if the poor Egyptians had had to use toilet papyrus. If so, no wonder they walked sideways.

  Rick Riordan

  Dad, Cat, Rivers

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• There’s nothing here,” Carter said. “What do you want?” I asked. “We’ve got wax, some toilet papyrus, an ugly statue.

  Rick Riordan

  Ugly, Want, Papyrus

  Rick Riordan (2010). “The Kane Chronicles, The, Book One: Red Pyramid”, Hyperion

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• Could I just use the loo?” I asked the nice officer. “No.” She closed the door in my face, As if I might rig an explosion in the toilet. Honestly.

  Rick Riordan

  Nice, Doors, Use

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• The tiny space, the toilet, two hundred strangers just a few inches away, it's so exciting, the lack of room to maneuver, it helps if you're double-jointed. Use your imagination. Some creativity and a few simple stretching exercises and you can be knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door. You'll be amazed how time flies.

  Chuck Palahniuk

  Creativity, Exercise, Simple

  Chuck Palahniuk (2001). “Choke: A Novel”, Anchor Books

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• If a woman were about to proceed to her execution, she would demand a little time to perfect her toilet.

  Nicolas Chamfort

  Perfect, Execution, Demand

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