Toilets Quotes - Page 8

• People don't think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Work, Coffee

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• You can almost judge how screwed up somebody is by the kind of toilet paper they use. Go in any rich house and it's some weird coloured embossed stuff.

  Don Van Vliet

  Umpires, Judging, House

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• Leaders win through logistics. Vision, sure. Strategy, yes. But when you go to war, you need to have both toilet paper and bullets at the right place at the right time. In other words, you must win through superior logistics.

  Tom Peters

  War, Winning, Leader

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• When they took TV to Fiji they found that after 3 years nearly 12 girls out of 100 were over the toilet bowls with bulimia because they felt inferior.

  Susie Orbach

  Girl, Years, Tvs

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• My dad used to flush my mother's head down the toilet. I was so screwed up.

  Jessica Hahn

  Mother, Dad, Used

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• I quite enjoy fame, especially when you go to conventions in America where they treat you like a god with stretch limos and the whole fame thing, but then when you come back to Britain, you end up changing in a toilet in a theatre off West End and that's really good, because that is what it's about.

  Sylvester McCoy

  America, Theatre, Limos

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• Beauty is that little something that fills the whole world, and is contained neither in a single straight nose, a long eyelash, nor a blue mountain. Some see it in a leg of mutton, others in a compound fracture; and to expect others to accept one's own definition of it is as absurd as to expect all humanity to use the same toilet-brush.

  William Morris Hunt

  Blue, Eyelashes, Long

  William Morris Hunt (1878). “W.M. Hunt's Talks about Art: With a Letter from J.E. Millais”

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• I have the largest collection of Hulk memorabilia in the world - everything from toilet paper, wallpaper, bicycles - all boxed up at my house in Northern California. I've had it for so long, I think it might be time to sell it.

  Lou Ferrigno

  Thinking, California, Long

  "Lou Ferrigno looks back, and luckily not in anger". Interview with William Keck, usatoday30.usatoday.com. June 16, 2008.

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• She used my toothbrush to clean the toilet.

  The Notorious B.I.G.

  Revenge, Clean, Retribution

  Song: Me and My Bitch

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• I like to play pranks on my girlfriend, you know, keep things fresh for me, make me laugh, you know? She hates it. But like, the other night, I put Saran wrap over the toilet seat, you know, which doesn't sound that original, but she's bulimic.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Girlfriend, Hate, Night

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• Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.

  Dov Davidoff

  People, Bathroom, Sensors

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• It is never okay to use the toilet with the door open... I never want to know what comes out of there because sometimes I eat at that restaurant.

  Carlos Mencia

  Doors, Use, Want

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• I used to always sit in church looking out the windows at the boys, wondering if I could make an excuse to go out and, you know, go to the bathroom because all the outdoor toilets. But anyhow, I was only going out to see the boys.

  Dolly Parton

  Boys, Church, Going Out

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• The left’s idea of “science” is that we should all be riding bicycles and using the Clivus Multrum composting latrines instead of flush toilets. Anyone who dissents, they say — while adjusting their healing crystals for emphasis — is “afraid of science.”

  Ann Coulter

  Healing, Ideas, Riding

  "Liberals: They Blinded Us With Science". humanevents.com. March 23, 2011.

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• When I have an idea, I share it with everyone. People say someone will steal my idea, but it's not like I invented something that will replace the toilet. I tell people to get their feedback. Will they buy it, help me improve it, or tell me it's already been done? If someone else is excited, he or she might buy into the business.

  Cameron Johnson

  Ideas, People, Done

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• Eating, bathing, going to the toilet, talking, thinking, and many other activities related to the body are all work. How is it that the performance of one particular act is alone (considered) work? To be still is to be always engaged in work. To be silent is to be always talking.

  Ramana Maharshi

  Thinking, Talking, Body

  "Abide as the Self: The Essential Teachings of Ramana Maharshi". Documentary, January 1, 1998.

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• In a way, both the U.S. media and those wacky rioters in the Afghan-Pakistani hinterlands are very similar, two highly parochial and monumentally self-absorbed tribes living in isolation from the rest of the world and prone to fanatical irrational indestructible beliefs — not least the notion that you can flush a 950-page book down one of Al Gore's eco-crazed federally mandated low-flush toilets, a claim no editorial bigfoot thought to test for himself in Newsweek's executive washroom.

  Mark Steyn

  Book, Self, Media

  "Firing Up the Crowd: From Newsweek to the Nuts, in One Fast Ball". www.jewishworldreview.com. May 23, 2005.

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• Can you imagine a guy breaking into your car, and he steals your guitar case 'cause he thinks it's a guitar, and he gets it home and opens it up and there's a rake inside it, an electric toilet plunger and a dog skull? That actually happened.

  Eugene Chadbourne

  Dog, Home, Thinking

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• How can you put out a meaningful drama when every fifteen minutes proceedings are interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits with toilet paper? No dramatic art form should be dictated and controlled by men whose training and instincts are cut of an entirely different cloth. The fact remains that these gentlemen sell consumer goods, not an art form.

  Rod Serling

  Meaningful, Art, Drama

  "American Masters (Rod Serling: Submitted for Your Approval)". TV Series, November 29, 1995.

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• You can flush my ashes down the toilet, for all I care.

  Carolyn Heilbrun

  Ashes, Care, I Care

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• Freshly brainwashed from rehab, I carry the bottle into the bathroom. I hold it up to the light. See the pretty bottle? Isn't it beautiful? Yes, it's beautiful. I unscrew the cap and pour it into the toilet. I flush twice. And then I think, why did I flush twice? The answer, is of course, because I truly do know myself. I cannot be sure I won't attempt to drink from the toilet, like a dog.

  Augusten Burroughs

  Beautiful, Dog, Thinking

  Augusten Burroughs (2013). “Dry: A Memoir”, p.98, Macmillan

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• An OBE is what you get if you clean the toilets well at King's Cross station.

  Michael Winner

  Kings, Clean, Crosses

  "Winner shuns 'toilet-cleaner OBE'", news.bbc.co.uk. May 28, 2006.

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• I’ll flush a copy of my bill down the toilet. You should be getting it in a couple of days.

  John Swartzwelder

  Couple, Bills, Should

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• When did you ever hear of a child not in need? 'Oh that's enough jam tart for me, I'll just go now and clean the toilets.'

  Dylan Moran

  Children, Needs, Jam

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• You're asking the government to control individual morality. This is a government that can't buy a toilet seat for under $600.

  Peter McWilliams

  Government, Individual Morality, Toilet Seat

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