Toilets Quotes - Page 7

• Right now I'm scoring goals and I'm the king of the world. And a couple weeks ago I was almost in the toilet. So maybe you just forget to flush me.

  Alexander Ovechkin

  Kings, Couple, Hockey

  37 Copy quote

• I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler.

  David Feherty

  Golf, Doors, Prawns

  23 Copy quote

• People say there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a bunch of people used to die on the way there, have a baby, you would end up with a whole different group of people by the time you got there. Now you watch a movie and [go to the toilet] and you're home.

  Louis C. K.

  Inspirational, Funny, Baby

  22 Copy quote

• When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant, and you sort of get a list from her every day, and you do, you know, you run down the list, and it feels very much like a chore. And a lot of fathers live in kind of an avoidance. They sit on the toilet for several hours a day... Oh, honey, it took me 40 minutes to go to the post office... But once you become a dad without the mom there, you have to take it all on, and you sort of activate male skills that you didn't know you could apply to fatherhood.

  Louis C. K.

  Mother, Running, Dad

  "Comedian Louis C.K.: Finding Laughs Post-Divorce". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, www.npr.org. July 7, 2010.

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• Can't nobody [mess] with me. I'm like toilet paper, Pampers and toothpaste. I'm definitely proven to be effective.

  Shaquille O'Neal

  Basketball, Paper, Toothpaste

  5 Copy quote

• Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not going to divorce you for refusing to spend forty hours a week making up lies about toilet paper.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Jobs, Lying, Humorous

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, p.42, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• A cat is the only domestic animal I know who toilet trains itself and does a damned impressive job of it.

  Joseph Epstein

  Jobs, Cat, Animal

  11 Copy quote

• I'd grown up thinking that a [sanitary toilet] was my right, when in fact it's a privilege - 2.5 billion people worldwide have no adequate toilet.

  Rose George

  Thinking, People, Privilege

  4 Copy quote

• Sexy, no alcoholic, but she drink like a toilet. Told her do me a favor and put your mouth on this faucet.

  Young Jeezy

  Sexy, Mouths, Favors

  Song: What I Do

  109 Copy quote

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• Art is borne out of necessity. Music is a tool and men are doers. When a relationship is working, you don't need to write a song-you need to get toilet paper.

  Sxip Shirey

  Song, Art, Writing

  4 Copy quote

• Beware of men on airplanes. The minute a man reaches thirty thousand feet, he immediately becomes consumed by distasteful sexual fantasies which involve doing uncomfortable things in those tiny toilets. These men should not be encouraged, their fantasies are sadly low-rent and unimaginative. Affect an aloof, cool demeanor as soon as any man tries to draw you out. Unless, of course, he's the pilot.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Airplane, Men, Feet

  7 Copy quote

• "Our first conversation was on the phone. I was in the bathtub, and I had to tell him that I was in the bathtub because I was afraid he would think I was, like, playing in the toilet when he heard water swishing around. [...] Then we had breakfast in Santa Monica, and I spit egg inside of his mouth when I was talking.

  Jennifer Lawrence

  Life, Thinking, Talking

  4 Copy quote

• People don't think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Work, Coffee

  7 Copy quote

• You can almost judge how screwed up somebody is by the kind of toilet paper they use. Go in any rich house and it's some weird coloured embossed stuff.

  Don Van Vliet

  Umpires, Judging, House

  16 Copy quote

• when I walk into an apartment with books on the shelves, books on the bedside tables, books on the floor, and books on the toilet tank, then I know what I would see if I opened the door that says Private - grownups keep out: a children sprawled on the bed, reading.

  Anne Fadiman

  Children, Book, Reading

  8 Copy quote

• Leaders win through logistics. Vision, sure. Strategy, yes. But when you go to war, you need to have both toilet paper and bullets at the right place at the right time. In other words, you must win through superior logistics.

  Tom Peters

  War, Winning, Leader

  56 Copy quote

• What a relief. I didn't have to check the toilet for anything or the light bulbs or the phone. It was just good old-fashioned friendship.

  Julia Roberts

  Phones, Light, Relief

  "Julia Roberts praises co-star Clive Owen". www.rte.ie. March 9, 2009.

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• I visited a new cultural center in Shanghai in 2005 that was pretty much perfect, except for the really badly translated Chinglish signs: a handicapped restroom that said Deformed Mans Toilet, that kind of thing.

  David Henry Hwang

  Perfect, Kind, Shanghai

  4 Copy quote

• If you want to play a cool punk club, that's great - but punk clubs don't have any toilet seats. After a while, little things like that become big issues.

  Joe Casey

  Play, Issues, Toilet Seat

  Source: thequietus.com

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• Any outfit that can't figure out clean toilets and decent theming on its own can't benefit from my advice.

  Cory Doctorow

  Advice, Benefits, Clean

  Cory Doctorow (2015). “Makers”, p.345, Booklassic

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• Because we've become so ecologically minded now, they have developed a product called Rapidly Dissolving Toilet Paper. Just how rapidly are we talking? 'Cause I don't want to have to play Beat the Clock in the thicket.

  Bill Engvall

  Talking, Play, Causes

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Mar 28, 2013

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• People don't want to hear about me having leather walls or gold toilets.

  Kevin Hart

  Wall, People, Gold

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• When you look at the sheer volume of paper usage in the U.S. alone, it's truly frightening: paper towels, toilet paper, napkins, writing paper. Our consumption of trees is endless.

  Ian Somerhalder

  Writing, Tree, Towels

  Interview with Maranda Pleasant, www.marandapleasantmedia.com.

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• As time goes on, the more I value doctors and plumbers. Doctors a little more. I can fix my own toilet but I still can't operate on myself.

  Bob Saget

  Doctors, Littles, Goes On

  Twitter post from Dec 09, 2011

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• I'd like to say that Muslims are never in violence with white people. It's the black man who love you. See, you don't let him in your toilet, you don't let him in your restroom, you don't let him marry your daughter, you gotta fight. So, we're not gonna be botherin' you, you understand. Muslims don't come in, we don't have no trouble with you. It's just the integrator.

  Muhammad Ali

  Daughter, Love You, Fighting

  Source: thefederalist.com

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