Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.
Consider what you have in the smallest chosen library. A company of the wisest and wittiest men that could be picked out of all civil countries, in a thousand years, have set in best order the results of their learning and wisdom.
I own four copies of Robin WIlliams's Live on Broadway comedy special for HBO. One in Wilmington, one in L.A., one in my trailer, and one at my parents' house. I can watch it over and over again and it never gets old. He is the funniest, wittiest man on the planet!
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.
When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.
I can resist everything except temptation.
Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.
How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.
To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.
Real friends stab you in the front.
Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
The French are the wittiest, the most charming, and up to the present, at all events, the least musical race on Earth.
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