Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.
Consider what you have in the smallest chosen library. A company of the wisest and wittiest men that could be picked out of all civil countries, in a thousand years, have set in best order the results of their learning and wisdom.
I own four copies of Robin WIlliams's Live on Broadway comedy special for HBO. One in Wilmington, one in L.A., one in my trailer, and one at my parents' house. I can watch it over and over again and it never gets old. He is the funniest, wittiest man on the planet!
When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.
The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.
What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.
True friends stab you in the front.
Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.
Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
The cook was a good cook, as cooks go; and as cooks go, she went.
Tis never for their wisdom that one loves the wisest...
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