Wittiest Quotes - Page 2

• It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

  Jane Austen

  Inspirational, Funny, Relationship

  Pride and Prejudice ch. 1 (1813)

  57 Copy quote

  Show source

• How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Marriage, Valentines Day

  162 Copy quote

• Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.

  Maryon Pearson

  Marriage, Sarcastic, Wedding

  52 Copy quote

• There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Humor, Things In Life

  The Picture of Dorian Gray ch. 1 (1891) See Behan 3; Modern Proverbs 71

  15 Copy quote

  Show source

• To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Family, Sarcastic

  The Importance of Being Earnest act 1 (1895)

  35 Copy quote

  Show source

• Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Sarcastic, Fashion

  Oscar Wilde “The Picture of Dorian Gray - and more”, Eighty Pence Books

  52 Copy quote

  Show source

• I can resist everything except temptation.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  Lady Windermere's Fan act 1 (1892) See Balzac 1; Clementina Graham 1; Mae West 19; Wilde 25

  88 Copy quote

  Show source

• The French are the wittiest, the most charming, and up to the present, at all events, the least musical race on Earth.

  Stendhal

  Race, Musical, Events

  8 Copy quote

• Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.

  William Shakespeare

  Cute, Witty, Fools Day

  'Twelfth Night' (1601) act 1, sc. 5, l. [37]

  55 Copy quote

  Show source

• Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

  Oscar Wilde

  Love, Inspirational, Funny

  Oscar Wilde (1947). “The Happy Prince”, p.16, New Line Publishing

  146 Copy quote

  Show source

• A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  43 Copy quote

• Real friends stab you in the front.

  Jonathan Davis

  Friendship, Im Sorry, True Friend

  38 Copy quote

• My senior year of high school, I was voted Wittiest. So, several years later, I decided to try my hand at writing humor to see if I could be witty enough to make some money.

  Barbara Park

  Senior, Witty, Writing

  14 Copy quote

• Thank your readers and the critics who praise you, and then ignore them. Write for the most intelligent, wittiest, wisest audience in the universe: Write to please yourself.

  Harlan Ellison

  Writing, Intelligent, Praise

  58 Copy quote

• The wittiest authors evoke a barely perceptible smile.

  Friedrich Nietzsche

  Evoke, Wit

  8 Copy quote

• 'Tis never for their wisdom that one loves the wisest, or for their wit that one loves the wittiest; 'tis for benevolence, and virtue, and honest fondness, one loves people...

  Hester Lynch Piozzi

  Love, People, Honest

  "Diary and Letters of Madame d'Arblay" edited by Charlotte Barrett, (vol. 2, p. 3), 1854.

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• Consider what you have in the smallest well-chosen library-a company of the wisest and wittiest men which can be plucked out of all civilized countries in a thousand years. The men themselves were then hidden and inaccessible. They were solitary, impatient of interruption, and fenced by etiquette. But now they are immortal, and the thought they did not reveal, even to their bosom friends, is here written out in transparent words of light to us, who are strangers of another age.

  Ralph Waldo Emerson

  Friendship, Country, Men

  4 Copy quote

• Advertising companies hire the very brightest, wittiest young people to write for them. Not one single sentence of it is worth repeating. Why? Because it wasn't meant.

  Brenda Ueland

  Writing, People, Advertising

  Brenda Ueland (1987). “If You Want to Write”

  9 Copy quote

  Show source

• Beauty is something that is hard to debate. Every man thinks his ideal the best. But the wittiest woman rise to the top of this structure, conventional beauty often taking a back seat to a woman possessed of a clever tongue.

  Anne Mallory

  Clever, Men, Thinking

  6 Copy quote

• Have you ever rightly considered what the mere ability to read means? That it is the key which admits us to the whole world of thought and fancy and imagination? to the company of saint and sage, of the wisest and the wittiest at their wisest and wittiest moment? That it enables us to see with the keenest eyes, hear with the finest ears, and listen to the sweetest voices of all time? More than that, it annihilates time and space for us.

  James Russell Lowell

  Reading, Mean, Eye

  James Russell Lowell (1887). “Democracy and other Addresses”

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• If evolution was worth its salt, it should've evolved something better than 'survival of the fittest.' I think a better idea would be 'survival of the wittiest.' At least, that way, creatures that didn't survive could've died laughing.

  Lily Tomlin

  Thinking, Ideas, Laughing

  "The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe". Play by Jane Wagner, 1985.

  5 Copy quote

  Show source

• I remember when I posed as a customs officer so that I could meet Oscar Wilde. I said to him "Have you anything to declare?" He said "I have nothing to declare but my genius." I said "I'll put that down as nothing then shall I?" For I am the wittiest man on Earth.

  Simon Munnery

  Men, Genius, Earth

  6 Copy quote

• If evolution was worth its salt, by now it should've evolved something better than survival of the fittest. I think a better idea would be survival of the wittiest.

  Jane Wagner

  Thinking, Ideas, Survival

  4 Copy quote

• Already known as one of America’s best and wittiest poets, William Trowbridge has, in Ship of Fool, found the perfect vessel to convey his vision: comic, tender, wry, compassionate, full of insight and rueful understanding of what it means to carry on, cream pies in the face, pants falling down as the Green Weenie rampages through our foolish, beautiful lives.

  Charles Harper Webb

  Beautiful, Fall, Mean

  5 Copy quote

• Truth, when witty, is the wittiest of all things.

  Augustus Hare

  Witty, Truth, All Things

  5 Copy quote