When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.
When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.
The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job.
Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.
The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income.
I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day.
Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
I'm now as free as the breeze - with roughly the same income.
When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you.
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.
Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not.
There's an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job.
You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
When some people retire, it's going to be mighty hard to be able to tell the difference.
There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!