I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.
Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you will go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.
If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.
Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.
Golf's really fun in Japan because of the women caddies. ... I saw one guy start out playing alone with his caddie. By the 9th hole they were engaged and when they finished on 18 they had a foursome.
Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.
If you think golf is relaxing, you're not playing it right.
Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.
I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.
Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees.
Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?
I get upset over a bad shot just like anyone else. But it's silly to let the game get to you. When I miss a shot I just think what a beautiful day it is. And what pure fresh air I'm breathing. Then I take a deep breath. I have to do that. That's what gives me the strength to break the club.
A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it's also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.
Foursomes have left the first tee there and have never been seen again. They just find their shoelaces and bags.
The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie. And an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark...
Arnold Palmer is the biggest crowd pleaser since the invention of the portable sanitary facility.
Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes. The only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money.
We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.
Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome - the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.
President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.
I tell jokes to pay my green fees.
It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn't know they had a caddie division.
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