A sadder but wiser man is a thousand times more agreeable to meet than the feller that never makes a mistake.
Many a family tree needs trimming
University: ... a place where rich men send their sons who have no aptitude for business.
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.
One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.
The reason the way of the transgressor is hard is because it's so crowded.
Fashion: a barricade behind which men hide their nothingness.
My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.
Everything comes to him who waits, except a loaned book.
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.
An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed
If there's anything mean in a feller, a litter authority will bring it out.
Knowin' all about baseball is just about as profitable as bein' a good whittler.
Nobuddy ever listened t' reason on a empty stomach.
Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.
I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans.
Look out for the people who allow you to do all the talking.
I'm sorry to inform you that your 50 year warranty has expired on your back, knees, and memory. Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do.
Some folks pay a compliment like they went down in their pocket for it.
There is plenty of peace in any home where the family doesn't make the mistake of trying to get together.
Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.
When some fellers decide to retire nobody knows the difference.
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.
Litigation: A form of hell whereby money is transferred from the pockets of the proletariat to that of lawyers.
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