I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.
Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
Who cares how time advances? I am drinking ale today.
The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol.
Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains!" - Cassio (Act II, Scene iii)
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same.
My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.
Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity.
Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off.
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
I like liquor - its taste and its effects - and that is just the reason why I never drink it.
My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars.
Fill with mingled cream and amber, I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions clamber Through the chamber of my brain — Quaintest thoughts — queerest fancies Come to life and fade away; What care I how time advances? I am drinking ale today.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
When the wine goes in, strange things come out.
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